Game of Thrones Recap: The Children

I want to say that the extra length of the episode made me slower or that the World Cup has distracted me from writing too often, but honestly I’m just a lazy writer. Curse you overwhelming procrastination! Sorry. So this is the last Game of Thrones recap for the season unless I decide to go back and tackle that 1st episode I never got around to doing. But otherwise I’d like to start writing on some other topics, tv shows, and baseball again.

The Children, what a terrible name for a season finale. Shaky cam, what a terrible start to a season finale. There actually aren’t that many dead bodies outside the wall when I feel like they shot a thousand arrows the night before. That Giant’s body sure would make a feast for crows, but instead the birds are just making a nest out of his body. How civil. How unlike this series.
giant feast

It took a while for those wildling scouts to notice Jon Snow as he walks past the first tents well before wildlings start popping out. Maybe they didn’t have any scouts? I mean having a couple scouts watch the wall at all times seems like smart idea and would help prepare for any surprise, oh I don’t know, thousand strong cavalry attacks. Jon walks directly to Mance’s tent door?, do tents have doors?, like he knew exactly which one to go to…all these tents look the same to me, are we sure there are 100,000 wildlings out here? They don’t even check him for weapons, but in their defense he did put his hands up in surrender. Mance also seemed like he didn’t know Jon switched sides, making this ill-fated attempt to assassinate Mance a whole lot idiotic.

I know Jon says he remained loyal to the Halfhand back in season 2, but I also feel he’s pulling that argument out of his ass and a certain ginger minge helped sway him to the other side. In the books Qhorin Halfhand explains his plan directly to Jon and gives him permission to kill him to gain the wildling’s trust, but in the show I think the Halfhand just fights Jon and gives him a special look, and apparently Jon got the plan from that. Jon did keep all of his vows according to his lawyer Sam, so he didn’t technically break his oath.
Mance – “Of all the ways I’d kill you poison would be the last.”
Looks like Mance is finally starting to get some good lines.
I remember my 1st drink Jon Snow.
How could he think this would be wine? He saw them poor that White Russian into his drink. So it was Mag the Mighty that got stuck under the gate. Mance informs Jon that the Night’s Watch killed some of their best men, good thing they only sent some of their best men and not all of their best men…or even all of their men. It just doesn’t seem like good war planning. Jon gives all the credit to Grenn, but it’s not like Grenn had help from 6 other guys who he doesn’t give credit to. Pretty classy of the bastard.
Mance – “To Mag and Grenn.”
Jon – “Grenn and Mag.”
Kind of disrespectful to your host and all the other guys Grenn died with.
Mance offers Jon some food, what a hospitable host, but it seems his food is being prepared by a Thenn, what kind of meat is that?! Don’t eat it!! Mance figures that Jon has about 50 men left, by my calculations, before I gave up in my last post, I’d put that number at around 40. Mance knows all this and still took a break in the attack. What would Mance have done if Jon didn’t come to him? Mance tells Jon his people have bled enough and they’re not here to conquer, but here to retreat behind the wall. What a reasonable request. In the books the White Walkers are picking off the wildling army as well, making them more motivated to get behind the wall.
Mance – “We both know that winter is coming.”
Jon – (Those are my words, only Starks can say those words)
Isn’t a Stark
Go back and open the gates and I swear to you no one else will die.
Seriously, super reasonable request.
That guy just leaves a knife there for Jon to cut his meat with, pretty careless of him. Jon glances at the knife, which somehow alerts Mance of Jon’s true intentions.
Mance – “I reckon you could do it before anyone of them could stop you.”
That’s only because Mance just told all the wildlings in the tent to hold off. If you die buddy, that’s on you. I don’t think Jon could win against Mance, even at that distance, realistically he barely beat Karl Tanner and Styr. Mance is a better fighter than both of them and Jon’s using a meat knife.
Mance – “Are you capable of that Jon Snow? Killing a man in his own tent after he just offered you peace? Is that what the Night’s Watch is?”
Another valid point. The wildlings aren’t the bad guys here.
They’re peace negotiations are interrupted by a surprise attack from Stannis, that sneaky army coming out of nowhere.

hide treeRandom Wildling – (Maybe if I hide behind this tree I’ll be safe from that cavalry charge.)
Good thing Stannis knew exactly which part of this massive forest to attack and find Mance in. Seriously how does an army this vast sneak up on someone during the day in such a wide open area. No scouts Mance?! No one further down in the forest saw, or even heard, thousands of horses coming? I’d also feel like it’d be pretty tough for a cavalry to gallop through a forest and have no problems. Horses going full speed in straight lines through a forest seems like a terrible idea. Mance calls everyone to him and proceeds to not do anything after that. The two opposing brigades of horsemen come from opposite ends to meet in the middle of a forest and don’t collide with each other and die. Reminds me of the professional Japanese walkers. Are Mance and Jon not in the middle? Assuming these horses don’t crash into each other, ridiculous, but assuming they don’t means there are lanes wide enough in a forest for the horses to inter-cross each other and continue galloping. Are we sure there are even trees in this forest? The wildlings would have had just as much a defensive advantage if they camped out on the open snow. Mance shouts to the wildlings to stand down, but was that really loud enough to reach 100,000 wildlings? I didn’t even hear anyone else echoing his orders either. Maybe the wildlings should implement some sort of horn system to communicate.

Screen shot 2014-06-21 at 1.05.37 AM Stannis and Davos – (Did I hear someone whisper stand down? Okay, it’s time to make our grand entrance.)
A single wildling guy tries to attack Stannis when he dismounts, did he not hear Mance in this loud war zone say stand down?! What a jerk.
Mance had 2 weapons and is the only one to disarm himself, the cost seems clear Stannis! Those other guys don’t even have names, he should be safe, no need to check them.
Stannis had NO IDEA what Mance looked like, but walks right up to him.
Stannis – “Do you know who I am?”
Mance – “Of course not, how did you know who I was?!”
Is there some sort of leader beacon coming from his tent that we show watchers aren’t seeing? How do characters keep finding him so easily? Mance said he sent 400 wildlings to climb the wall earlier to Jon Snow…(hmmm, nevermind guys, come back. We surrendered.) I don’t think he has anyway of telling them that though. I bet they’re just forgotten about.
Stannis – “People usually kneel when they surrender before a king.”
Money has clearly changed Stannis, he’s becoming cocky now.
Mance – “We do not sow kneel.”
Screen shot 2014-06-21 at 1.12.46 AM And we all know how this strategy has worked really well for the Ironborn, see dickless Theon Reek and every other incompetent Ironborn on the show.
Stannis tells Mance that he’ll have thousands of his men in chains before nightfall, who carries around that many chains? Certainly not the rapper 2 Chainz. Stannis claims he doesn’t want to slaughter beat dogs, but he heavily hints at slaughtering all of the wildlings if Mance doesn’t kneel. Mance calls his bluff and doesn’t kneel. Seems pretty contradictory to not kneel and save wildling lives when he just surrendered after a minute to prevent the slaughter of said people. Also it’s not “we do not kneel” Mance, just you. Just him kneeling would guarantee the lives of everyone. I thought this guy was a major miscast in season 3, turns out he just needed some good material for him to actually act. I’m still annoyed about the “I’m gonna light the biggest fire the north has ever seen” line because he’s from the north he calls the north below the wall the south. And you know, fire hazards and all, but that’s hardly the actors fault. Good job Ciarán Hinds.
Davos asks what Jon Snow is doing here and Jon replies to him, but Davos berates Jon and tells him that he should address Stannis as “your Grace.” Davos gets a little touchy when it comes to Stannis. Stannis owes Ned a favor or at least a new head. If Joffrey had sent Ned to the Night’s Watch instead of beheading him Stannis could be talking to him right now.
Stannis – “Your father was an honorable man.”
He says to that man’s bastard.
Jon Snow – “Mance is a pretty cool guy, he didn’t kill me when I was his prisoner…oh right, you asked me what my father would do, uh, my father would like how he didn’t kill me and would take him prisoner. Or the honorably thing, he always did that.”sannis
Stannis – “…burn him Melisandre.”
Disregards Jon entirely.
Jon – “Your Grace.”
I think Stannis was shocked to hear a man other than Davos call him “grace,” he’s almost in tears right there. You did it Stannis! Money can solve all of your problems. This must be how Tywin Lannister feels like all the time.
Jon – “Also burn the dead before nightfall, otherwise they’ll come back as zombies.”
Stannis is still in awe of being called your grace to listen.

In the books the Mountain was screaming in agony while Pycelle treated him, don’t worry, Oberyn poisoned the hell out of him. Pycelle suggests milk of the poppy everytime, thanks Pycelle. Who do you think you are? My elementary school nurse handing out ice packs? Ice packs = milk of the poppy. Then again I wouldn’t trust any goblets that actor Julian Glover aka Pycelle offers me, he usually chooses poorly. Qyburn’s curiosity is what got him expelled from the citadel…when you put it that way it doesn’t sound so bad Pycelle! Qyburn experimenting on live patients is what got him expelled, not curiosity. I mean, I think curiosity is encouraged in the citadel, the 1 true college of Westeros, but he went a little too far. Pycelle gets dismissed from his own laboratory. It’s not like he’s done any scientific stuff in there, he probably just has sex with whores down there.
Cersei – “Can you rebuild him?”
Qyburn – “I have the technologymagic. The process may change him…somewhat.”
Not creepy at all.
Cersei – “Will it make him weaker?”
Asking the important questions here.
Qyburn – “No, he’ll still be strong.”
Cersei – “Yeah that’s fine then.”
That’s all that matters.

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Cersei – “Remember how I agreed to marry Loras Tyrell? Well that was only because I was sucking up to you before Tyrion’s trial, so that’s not happening anymore.”
Honestly Tywin should have married them earlier when he had the chance.
Tywin – “What even happend to family first?”
We all know he means Tywin first.
Cersei – “I don’t care…”
Tywin isn’t caught up in her love affair, but their somehow still royal (royals). Baratheon don’t run in her kids blood, but baby they’ll rule, they’ll rule, they’ll rule anyway…I may have went a little overboard with the Royal lyrics.
Cersei – “I don’t want to hear another story about the time you won.”
So every story then?
Cersei was willing to give her son essence of nightshade, poison, when she thought someone was coming to take her boy away. How does she believe this act actually makes her a good mother? Worst case scenario Stannis killed Tommen like her father killed all the past royals, and honestly I don’t think Stannis would do that. She wasn’t sparing him from anything, she’s just crazy. classic cerseiCersei would burn their house to the ground to prevent Margeary from becoming Tommen’s favorite person. Sound logic. She then threatens to take herself down, and more importantly put both of her children’s lives in danger and practically guaranteeing the death of her daughter in Dorne, by telling everyone the truth. Remember she’s doing all this just so she doesn’t have to marry Loras Tyrell, one of the best looking bachelors in Westeros and would probably be very interested in a threesome with her true lover Jamie. Right now I’m watching a kid throw a temper tantrum. She doesn’t care about her children’s lives, she cares about her life and how they view her. She has no redeeming qualities in this scene.
Cersei – “You have no idea do you?”
He has at least some idea. Maybe he just doesn’t care.
“All the rumors are true, your legacy is a lie!”
His legacy is a lie and he doesn’t have any gold, yet he’s still the hand of the king and arguably the most powerful man in Westeros. Pretty impressive.

Looks like Jamie really likes reading that book with none of his accomplishments in it. Jamie is mad at Cersei for trying everything to kill their little brother. Valid point.
Cersei – “I would do things for my family that you couldn’t imagine.”
I thought that last scene told us she wouldn’t do anything for her family, except put them in danger. Tyrion doesn’t count as their family because he killed their mother…her logic never ceases to amaze me.
Jamie – “He was an infant, he didn’t decide to kill her.”
He also speaks for all the sane people in the world.
Cersei – “A disease doesn’t decide to kill you, all the same you cut it out before it does.”
Wait, what? I see she won’t be becoming a nurse anytime soon as she clearly has no idea how diseases work.
Cersei tells Jamie that she told their father about their, uh, special cuddles.

Screen shot 2014-06-23 at 5.12.57 PM “I don’t love Tywin Lannister I love my brother. I love my lover.”
Out of context this wouldn’t sound so bad. She doesn’t like this Tywin Lannister fellow and she loves her brother and her lover. Nothing wrong with that.
“People will whisper and make their jokes, let them.”
People will do a lot more than whisper and make jokes. Literally all of the Lannisters would probably be hunted down and slaughtered if she went public with that. How does she not understand that? The half Baratheon royal blood line is the only thing keeping the Lannisters on the throne.
I thought she was going to kiss him a little lower for a second, instead she kisses his golden hand. I guess Jamie doesn’t really care too much about the book if he shoves it off the table in lust. I feel like this is a subtle message that the show is better than the books.
HBO – “Who needs a book when we can show you boobs?”
If only we weren’t relying on the books to come out before the show finishes…

b of chains

One of Daenerys’ titles is the Breaker of Chains…well this is going to be awkward later.
I’m pretty sure Greywom still has no idea what’s going on.
Of course this guy can speak the common tongue, we don’t want the actors to have too difficult a job. This old slave talks about how he was a tutor for his children and how he can’t do that now because Daenerys took away slavery. How about you just work for him? Seriously, does this guy not understand how that works? Has all of Meereen never heard of wages for pay?! I guess everything was just done with slaves…but like food? No one paid for anything?! No one had jobs? How many sentences can I end with a question mark?

The old teacher complains about the free food and board Daenerys has provided to the liberated slaves. I guess former slaves can be choosers. The old man questions what purpose he could serve at these slave refugees? What purpose he could have? I don’t know, how about you teach some of these slaves instead of those shitty little brats you used to teach?! He could make a pretty huge difference in many more lives, like all former slaves because I doubt many of them can read/write. Fuck this guy, “what purpose would I have?” A pretty giant one if he used his brain! If he thought about the situation at all this wouldn’t be a problem; it’s not like anyone is stopping him from being a teacher. He’s just whining and complaining now that he doesn’t have his own room anymore. He asks Daenerys if he can sell himself as a slave again because he’s too dense to see any other solution, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a shitty teacher as well.
Daenerys – “You want to sell yourself like some sort of goat or chair.”
Pretty insulting to goats. Chairs can sell themselves?
Screen shot 2014-06-23 at 5.34.53 PMDumbass teacher – “The young may rejoice in the new world you have created for them, but for those too old to change…”
Barristan – (Am I too old to change?)
Apparently there are many outside waiting to ask the same request, but seeing how smart this guy is I’d bet he may not be able to count.
She allows him to create a contract where he gets paid, but it can’t last more than a year. Daenerys can’t be the first one to come up with contracts, come on Meereen.
Barristan – “The masters will take advantage of this.”
Daenerys – (You know what Barristan, just once be on my side.)
Maybe create a minimum wage law? I’m sure there’s a way to stop the masters from taking advantage of this. Any one who gets caught taking advantage of this gets killed, problem solved!
A new guy comes in and for some reason after 2 lines of subtitles they switch to Missandei translating for him. Just stick with one thing director! I guess it makes the reveal of the father obviously holding the dead bones of his child more surprising.

burnd bones

That 3 second suspense. Drogon really burns his prey and doesn’t to chew them, he’s able to just eat their flesh. Why these dragons don’t also eat the parents, the bigger meal, I won’t ever understand. Has Daenerys stopped feeding her “children?” Maybe increased meal times is the way to go instead of chaining them up. Drogon ate a 3-year-old, but won’t appear in this episode because of budget restrictions.

These dragons seem excited to go into a dark basement, these “children” would make such easy victims for predators if it weren’t already alpha predators already.
The other dragon – “Screw you other dragon, wings for the win!”

Screen shot 2014-06-23 at 5.46.31 PM She didn’t even have a chain for Drogon! Why punish the dragons that have been good, seems pretty unfair and a poor parenting technique all around. That must have been the best goat meat in the world if they didn’t notice those massive chain necklaces being put on their necks. Maybe she could try, I don’t know, training her dragons? Has she even tried yet? She has no idea what she’s doing… Dany leaving them in a dark basement while shutting the door reminds me of the ending to Saw (Game Over).

Aemon – “They died protecting men, women, and children that will never know their names. It is for us to remember them.”
We’ll remember them Aemon…also great line.
“And now their watch has ended”
…and so has ours for this season. 😦

Screen shot 2014-06-23 at 5.51.00 PM
How crazy would it have been if the dead Night’s Watch members open their eyes during the ceremony? That may have ruined the mood, but it would have been awesome. Selyse prefers to watch people burn alive, but she’ll have to make do with dead people, it’s a little quieter this way.
And Jon falls in love with another red-head, not that I blame him.

Screen shot 2014-06-23 at 5.54.44 PMHey look, other prisoners! And here I thought Tormund was the only one. Tormund is confused why Aemon healed him; I’m guessing the wildlings don’t really have medics. Tormund asks how they’re going to kill him and Jon responds that he doesn’t know, typical Jon Snow, what happens to the prisoners. Well the Night’s Watch could try to question him, but if they’ve caught Mance already there’s really no need too. Has anyone told Tormund that Mance was captured and the wildlings have surrendered? I don’t think he has any idea the wildlings lost.
Jon – “We’re going to burn the body of the dead, do you want to say any words of them?”
Tormund – “The dead can’t hear us boy.”
Yeah but they’ve been known to walk.
Tormund didn’t get captured in the books, he actually never went over the wall and stays with Mance most of his time. Stannis takes prisoners when Mance is captured, but most of them flee back to the forest because there’s 100,000 wildlings and Stannis can’t capture them all. So most of them are still scattered in the forest and Tormund starts regrouping the scattered wildlings as a second leader.
Tormund – “She loved you. All she ever talked about was killing you.”
Take note gentlemen, anytime a girl wants to kill you, she loves you.
“She belongs in the north, the real north.”
Finally the writers get it right.
I guess none of the other wildlings deserve to get burned in the real north? Was there any purpose in burning her body in the forest? Stop with these fire hazards guys, a few meters beyond the wall would have been fine, but I guess Jon wanted some privacy.

Screen shot 2014-06-23 at 6.06.06 PM

Jon just drops the torch and walks away from her funeral pyre like a boss, not the most environmentally friendly move, but a pretty badass moment before he starts crying directly into the camera. I can taste his tears. Jon also seems to have left his horse in the forest so he could have a cry.

Don’t believe your eyes Jojen and Bran! It’s a snow mirage! They’re finally at the giant tree, thank the old gods. I mean it’s a great shot, but now they have to go back and around to get down from the cliff and onto the tree, so it’s still pretty far away. If this were the Lord of the Rings I’m sure the eagles could have just flown them over there.

ojunj Why waste your budget on skeletons?! They were wights in the book…why the unnecessary change? Not an effective way to use their budget. Jojen couldn’t see these skeletons coming in his green dreams? The 3 eyed crow couldn’t warn them about these evil skeletons just chilling on his front lawn? I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, this guy is a dick. Ghost took his sweet time saving Bran, good thing the cripple skeleton went after him. Apparently Ghost can only take out one skeleton at a time, come on Ghost, this is like every dog’s dream matchup. Maybe if Bran took over Ghost he could have taken out more skeletons, diversify your warging Bran! Brandor takes out a couple of skeletons that were on his back in 2 seconds, but then has trouble taking down one skeleton. Jojen shouts at Bran to save himself, but he’s clearly warging and can’t hear him at all. Jojen tries to help his sister fight the skeleton, but he’s so skinny and pale that his sister pushes him down thinking he’s a skeleton.

jj push

I guess she was protecting him, but then he sort of can’t get up and eventual gets stabbed on the ground. She indirectly killed him…
Jojen was on his stomach when he shouted to Bran and now he’s on his back this scene before he gets stabbed. You think he would try moving or just not lay down next to a freaking skeleton. I would be a little skeptical an undead skeleton would be dead just because his head came off.
Are you telling me Jojen knew he was going to die by skeleton stabbing?
jjjjThe child of the forest 1 shots these guys with some fireballs, but she couldn’t have done that earlier? I mean what else would she be doing that’s so important she couldn’t wait outside for these travelers? Maybe the 3 eyed crow didn’t tell her they were coming and tells her a minute before, “so yeah could you go save these guests I invited? That Bran kid is kind of important to me.” This entire sequence is just ridiculous when you have 2 people who can see into the future that could have saved everyone easily.
Child – “He is lost, come with me or die with him.”
Is she out of magic fire? Because she can 100% save Meera if she wanted OR at least let her grieve as her brother dies in her arms. There is no reason to pick up the pace when the threat can be handled easily by her. Meera slices Jojen’s throat before abandoning him. The child also throws a fireball at Jojen’s body, he might just come back as a skeleton! Let’s go over the damage Jojen received just now – multiple stab wounds to the abdomen, a slit throat, engulfed in fire, getting kicked by a skeleton so we can see his face before he blows up- seems a bit excessive. If anyone in the series got a fatality, it’s this kid.

The skeletons burst into bones at the entrance because they can’t go past that point. There were more than 3 skeletons chasing them before, but only 3 skeletons exploded at the entrance. So I guess the other skeletons are just chilling outside the gate and learned their lesson not to come in? Are they going to go bury themselves in the snow later or are they just there now…forever. Are all the bones in this tree from skeletons trying to get into the cave? Because then I’m pretty impressed, there are skulls and bones literally piled next to the 3 eyed crow, and he’s pretty deep in there. Otherwise there are a bunch of random bones in this cave…I wouldn’t trust this guy at all.
Bran – “Who are you?”
Child – “The first men called us the children, but we were born long before them.”
I think he’s just looking for a name here, he didn’t really need a history lesson. And we the viewers need a longer one than that to understand what she is.
Screen shot 2014-06-23 at 11.31.51 PMIf it weren’t for this nice music and, I guess more evil by comparison, skeletons outside, this place would seem super scary and creepy. It is super scary and creepy. They’re in a cave, but those are the roots from the giant tree above…this took me longer to figure out than I care to admit. Hodor drops Bran too far away and Bran has to crawl up to this old man. I didn’t realize Pycelle traveled all the way up here! Wait that’s just some other old man… A thousand eyes and 2? His nickname is a thousand eyes and 1 because he has 1 eye, but he can still see everything with his warging, but he has 2 eyes! What a stupid missed detail writers. He even addresses this nickname… what does the 1 symbolize now? It makes no sense! I even feel like the 3 eyed raven, his other nickname, has 3 eyes because it’s an embodiment of his actual self in the dream world, so it has an extra eye because he only has 1 eye to add to this crow. So he admits to watching them this whole time, but he didn’t send out that little girl with fire bending to save these guys from the skeletons. I feel like those skeletons aren’t actually a surprise for the 3 eyed raven and the child of the forest, they seem pretty accustomed to them. Making Jojen’s death even more pointless. Jojen hadn’t died in the books yet, but he was on his way out.
Bran – “You’re going to help me walk again?”
3 eyed crow – “You’ll never walk again, but you will fly.”
I think Bran would rather just walk again, he doesn’t want to be a burden anymore and if we use “but you will fly” logic than he’s already walked again in Hodor. 3 eyed crow = biggest scumbag in Westeros.

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Yeah it wasn’t thieves that took the horses if they left the saddle bags, why has Pod become so incompetent now? Brienne tells him he’ll have to carry those saddle bags 30 miles, harsh Brienne. This interaction between the two odd couples didn’t happen in the books, but I liked it. Arya informs Brienne that they’re only 10 miles away from the bloody gate, great news for Podrick. Arya and Brienne bond over naming their swords and it’s adorable. If only Arya trusted her *sigh. Apparently the Hound was going to the bathroom during this conversation, but what was he wiping with? Rocks?! Do they even have toilet paper in Westeros? I heard that they starting selling toilet paper at map stores… Brienne’s dad taught her how to fight, he’s no water dancer, but it’s cool to see how similar Arya and Brienne are. I think they both wanted to be born boys, and I think under normal circumstances they could have been great friends. Pod is the first person to recognize the Hound.
hahyBrienne – “I swore to your mother that I would bring you home to her.”
Arya – “Okay, I trust and I already like you because you’re pretty much what I want to be when I grow up.”
I wish this happened. No conflict, end of conversation, everyone lives happily ever after. She doesn’t say this though.
Arya – “Why didn’t you protect my mother?”
Brienne just said I wish I were there to protect your mother, so using that logic, maybe she wasn’t there! Pretty tough to protect someone when you’re not there and they get killed at a freaking wedding.
Brienne – “I was commanded to bring Jamie Lannister to Kingslanding.”
To exchange him for you and Sansa! Your mom got slaughtered when I wasn’t around to protect her because I was trying to get you back for her.Why didn’t she tell her this?! What a reasonable excuse! I know this wasn’t in the books, but please go with her.
The Hound accuses her of being a Lannister dog, what irony, because he knows what Lannister gold looks like. The Lannister lion hilt on the sword really gave it away. Maybe telling the truth here would have been better after she clearly explained the situation to Arya. Now we have this big misunderstanding on our hands.
Terminator Brienne – “Come with me if you want to live.”
The Hound – “You’ll bring her to safety? Where the fuck is that?!”
He makes a valid point.
It’s actually kind of sad going over all of Arya’s dead family members, remember the world thinks her 2 younger brothers are dead too and Sansa’s whereabouts are unknown. So all she has left is Jon Snow…and her uncle Blackfish that she’s never met and wasn’t recast for this season. So only Jon Snow.bbbghj
Brienne – “Is that what you’re doing, watching over her?”
The Hound – “Ai, that’s what I’m doing.”
I love the Hound. I like Brienne too, but this guy is just so cool.
A sword fight between 2 of the most awesome non knights in Westeros ends up turning into dirty brawl. I want to say the Hound is probably a better fighter than Brienne, but her Valyrian steel sword should give her an advantage in this fight. This duel derails into a battle of fisty cuffs allows the show writers to stay neutral on the power rankings subject. Honestly Valyrian steel doesn’t seem to be giving anyone an advantage in this show though, but it should be giving a substantial edge to the character wielding it. I can’t really get into the battle because of all the cuts… The camera angle cuts used to increase the tension of the battle just makes the scene nauseating and confusing to me. She smiles like Jamie does when he fights, looks like she’s picking up some of his better traits.
Screen shot 2014-06-24 at 12.19.13 AMBrienne – “I have no wish to kill you ser.”
You activated his extra strength card! It should be over at this point but neither attempts to grab their swords. He should have lost all of his fingers when he grabbed her sword and lifted himself up from it. Sorry Sandor, game over.
She punches Sandor below the belt, then he kicks Brienne below hers. So does armor not feature cups or iron underwear? Pretty big flaw. She bites off his ear, but it’s okay, his good side is still intact! Who needs a burnt ear anyway? Looks like rock beats scissors knife in this fight, that’s why Brienne won. The fight ends with her rage punching the Hound over the edge of a cliff, I thought you didn’t want to kill him?

Brienne – “You secured Arya right Pod? You had one job!”
Pod said he lost her because he was watching her, valid point, and that he thought she might need some help, that’s adorable. Brienne and Pod don’t find Arya because this didn’t happen in the books…and now Pod is in even more trouble. I mean checking to see if Arya would visit the Hound might have been a good idea, but whatever. Arya waits 2 seconds after Brienne shouts her name before she deems it safe to move about. She’s correct.
This next scene is my favorite scene of the finale, by a pretty fair bit too, and maybe this season. Oberyn telling Tyrion he’ll be his champion is up there, but this one is just perfect for me. The acting from both actors is superb and it stays pretty loyal to the books. I don’t want to ruin it for everyone, but Rory McCann isn’t signed for next season and I wouldn’t expect to see him again anytime soon, at least in this show. If it makes you feel any better, he looks no worse than Anakin Skywalker at the end of Episode III, and that guy still lived. Anything is possible.

Screen shot 2014-06-24 at 12.48.21 AMHe looks like he’s in so much pain, but for some reason I find this photo hilarious.
The Hound – “*weezes, you’re still here?”
How can you not love this guy?
He tells Arya to go with Brienne, so he still has her best intentions at heart. Too bad she doesn’t take it. Wow, Arya really holds a grudge for that Micah kid, the Hound’s been pretty kind to her and I thought they became friends. She’s as cold as ice. He’d skin her alive for wine. The Hound really likes his wine though.
The Hound – “You won’t last a day out there.”
Arya – “I’ll last longer than you.”
She’s as cold as ice! Which is now Oath Keeper and Widows Wail 😦
The Hound asks her if she remembers where the heart is, but it looks like that scene wasn’t foreshadowing her killing him with the technique he taught her. Oh well.
The Hound – “Fuck it, I’m ready.”
Amazing last words.Screen shot 2014-06-24 at 12.53.08 AM
He tries egging her on, “another name off your list that you kept promising me.” And reminding her about Micah, “he bleed all over my horse, saddle smelled of butcher’s boy for weeks.”
I found both of these funny, Arya did not.
“I should have fucked Sansa bloody, at least then I’d have one happy memory.”
That’s actually kind of sad. Hanging out with Arya may have been some of the best times of his life.
He talks about raping Sansa, but I don’t buy it. He’s a good guy at heart, he’s just saying all this stuff to get her to kill him. Which isn’t working. I know this may be obvious to some of you, but you’d be surprised at how many people don’t believe this.
“Do I have to beg?”
Like some sort of common dog?! A hound perhaps?
Arya walks up to him and the Hound smiles, but she just robs him, which is hilarious. The Hound thought he taught her where the heart is, turns out she doesn’t have one. She’s as cold as Widows Wail. The Hound shouting at her to kill him as she walks away is heartbreaking as well. A wonderfully funny and sad scene, I’m just saying I don’t see a horse in the distance, but somehow she’s riding one in the last scene.

Screen shot 2014-06-24 at 12.59.33 AM

Tyrion really thought that this was the executioner? He really thought he would get executed in the middle of the night?Jamie saves his little brother Tyrion, which shouldn’t surprise anyone. It’s a little more surprising in the books because Jamie didn’t make it to Kingslanding until the trial started, Bronn never convinced Jamie to see his brother, and all these brother bonding scenes, which I loved, were never in the books. Varys is helping out Tyrion though, out of his own will it seems instead of Jamie threatening him, looks like that Spider didn’t lie when he said he never forgets a thing.

Everything about this scene plays out differently than the books, but honestly I’m okay with the changes. The show and the books have always been separate mediums that tell an epic story, just because the show is different doesn’t mean the books will change. Now it’s a little more complicated than this, but in the books Jamie and Tyrion don’t exactly leave on the best of terms, but here they leave on great terms. Jamie tells Tyrion that the secret knock is to knock twice, wait, and then knock twice again. That’s like my normal knock, especially when no one comes to the door right away… The two brothers hug each other goodbye in a touchingly brief departure. I feel like this is the season of touching goodbyes, but this one may have the most meaning.
Screen shot 2014-06-24 at 1.02.10 AMTyrion – “Thank you for my life.”
Just let him risk it by taking 2 little detours. #revenge

I know he entered the tower of the hand through a secret door, but this place needs to upgrade their guards. Tyrion walks in at an awkward moment, looks like Tywin enjoyed his son’s sloppy seconds, looks like incestual relationships run in the family. I think in the book, Shae mumbles “my lion” instead of saying Tywin’s name. This hurts Tyrion more because he thought that was his special nickname. All of their problems could have been sorted out with some talking.
Tyrion – “I only told you to leave because I cared about your safety more than my happiness, of course I love you!”
Shae – “I only testified against you because I was getting threatened by your father and sister, of course I still love you!”
Conflict over.
I didn’t like how Shae grabbed a knife, making Tyrion act out in self-defense. She also somehow couldn’t overpower a dwarf? I’m pretty sure Tyrion doesn’t get any advantages for shae hweobeing a dwarf like Gimli does in the Lord of the Rings universe. I love how this “knife” fight just turns into a slapping contest. Also that necklace was the one Varys got for her to leave Tyrion last season. I’m not sure though, I may be reaching here, but how ironic would that be right? He tells her he’s sorry, but “the dead don’t hear” – Tormund. I’ll put her death on the same level of Jojen’s, I don’t care and it could have been easily avoided. Tyrion takes the crossbow being used for decoration on the wall, maybe that’ll teach people not to use deadly weapons as decoration. I feel like Tyrion isn’t in the tower of the hand anymore and there should be guards in this hallway to the bathroom, but whatever.

Walking in on your parent taking a dump is awkward at any age. Actually walking in on anyone taking a dump is pretty weird.
Tywin – “Tyrion…put down the crossbow.”
What a reasonable request.
I’m actually impressed Tywin didn’t shit himself when he saw Tyrion with a crossbow, maybe he’s just a quiet dumper, but if it were me and I saw my son with a crossbow after I just gave the order for his execution, I wouldn’t have been able to keep my composure. I love how calm he can remain, even at his most vulnerable. Tywin comes to the conclusion that Jamie freed Tyrion pretty quickly. In the books he thinks Varys is the one that freed him, and I think this subtle change is important to note because in the books Tywin is too blind to see that Jamie would ever “betray” his family.Screen shot 2014-06-24 at 11.16.02 PM
Tyrion – “All my life, you’ve wanted me dead.”
Tywin – “Yes, but you refused to die, I respected that.”
Wow, I’m assuming Tywin has trouble wiping with balls that MASSIVE.
Tywin explains to Tyrion that he’d never let them execute him if that’s what he fears. He plans on sending him to the Wall. Just imagine how much fun it would be if Tyrion was actually sent to the Wall. Jon Snow and Tyrion reunited again. Tyrion is mad at his father for sleeping with Shae, but I guess choking her to death was in “self defense” earlier and not revenge. Tyrion warns his dad not to call her a whore again, but she was a whore, I wouldn’t have expected her to be too faithful. You’re dad having sex with her is weird yeah, but you did just kill her. I think Tywin tries to comfort his son when he says “she’s just a whore.” He’s like oh it’s okay you killed her, she’s just a whore. And who said Tywin never tried to comfort his kids?
Tywin – “Or what? You’ll kill your own father in the privy? No, you’re my son.”
Tyrion isn’t buying any of that though. I mean he sentenced him to die yeah, but that was only after he demanded trial by combat and his champion died. What was Tywin supposed to do? He was going to send him to the wall, still a dick move, but for all we know he wasn’t going to kill Tyrion. I think Tyrion is more upset that his dad didn’t let him off the hook, but after the Cersei accusation and trial Tywin couldn’t really do anything. Honestly he should be more furious with Cersei. He should have gone after her next. Seriously, Tywin tries to get up at least 3 times during this exchange, and Tyrion doesn’t let him. Harsh. Tywin calls Shae a whore one more time and gets shot by Tyrion.
Screen shot 2014-06-24 at 11.10.01 PMTywin – “You shot me.”
Said the man who got shot.
I wish those were his last words, but he does get some pretty cool last words regardless.
“You’re no son of mine.”
He doesn’t even cry for help, even on the toilet he’s a badass. Charles Dance is the man and he will be missed. If it weren’t for his portrayal of Tywin I wouldn’t have been a fan of the character.
2 shots seem a bit excessive.
Lord Tywin Lannister did not, in the end, shit gold. (Word for word in the books!)

Varys – (What’s taking him so long? I know he’s a pretty slow walker, but come on, even Pycelle is faster than this.)
Varys asks for Tyrion’s trust as he places him in a box, but I wouldn’t want to get in any box Varys puts me in, remember what he did to the guy that took his balls back in Season 3? He’s been torturing that guy in the box for a long time. Varys peaces out when he hears the bells, he probably doesn’t want to go to another wedding. Remember how I mentioned Tywin thinks Varys let Tyrion out in the books? Well that’s probably who everyone will blame in the show.
Tyrion – (Why do I have to sit in the box. This is bullshit Varys.)

Screen shot 2014-06-24 at 11.47.38 PM
Varys should probably be in disguise, but seeing as no one can even recognize the Hound, he’s probably alright. I mean his only notable trait is he’s bald.

The ending music is so magical, Arya riding on a white horse is just the cherry on top. I am so glad they didn’t end on another Daenery’s scene. They seem to be shoveling, um, snow into barrels. Looks like some places need help to get winter coming. I mean yeah it’s probably sugar/salt, but why is it on the ground in the first place? Why would it ever be out like this? Did they crash onto the dock?

Screen shot 2014-06-24 at 11.59.13 PM

Arya knew exactly who the captain was. Arya wants to go north to the wall, awww, she wants to see her brother because that’s the only safe place she believes she has left. She wouldn’t need a cabin, and I’m shocked this captain doesn’t attempt to swindle her money. This may actually be one of the nicest men in Westeros. Good thing Arya has always wanted to go to Braavos, that was like her second choice if she couldn’t go to the Wall. Arya gives him the iron coin she never lost by some miracle.
Arya – “Valar morghulis.”
Captain – “Valar dohaeris. Of course you can have a cabin.”
I love this scene, Arya has had a great 4th season.
In season 3 Sansa used to play a game where she came up with scenarios of people on boats and their destinations, I’m sure she never could have imagined this one. Tyrion, Varys, and Arya all got on boats at the end the season, at least they didn’t die. There were still some pretty big events missing from the 3rd book, but overall I’m satisfied with this season.

Screen shot 2014-06-25 at 12.10.02 AMI can show you the world!


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