The Flash Pilot Recap

no more goggles

I want to start by saying I don’t watch the Arrow, but I do know some things about the Flash; several years ago I wanted to write a Flash screenplay, but then Iron Man came out and started the superhero movie revolution and stole all my ideas. Plus I’m a terrible writer with an even worse attention span so nothing ever came from it.  Anyway let’s start this Flash Recap, a show I thought looked surprisingly promising. You can watch it here.

Barry – “My name is Barry Allen and I am the fastest man alive.”
Were there any dead people that were faster than him? Is the alive part really necessary?

His whole life he’s been running, but he’s still pretty slow cause the bullies catch up to him easily. Look at all these people who don’t care about child violence, this isn’t a deserted alleyway, do something pedestrians! Seems pretty yellow 14 years ago.
walkers on street are dicks

Barry claims the bullies were beating up kids because they weren’t cool. Glad to know he’s always had a sense of justice, but then again maybe he’s a liar. I don’t buy his story, and neither should his mom.
Barry – “I guess I wasn’t fast enough.” Funny because he’s going to be the fastest man alive soon.
Mom – “It’s better to have a good heart than fast legs.” That’s actually really good advice mom. I like her, hope she doesn’t die in the next 5 minutes.
Mom – “Barry got into a fight…and he won.”
Dad – “Way to go slugger.”
mom faceShe then gives him this face. Why tell him Barry won if the lesson here is not to fight? You’re just as wrong as papa Allen.

I wonder if they’ll ever explain the fish tank water rising. Barry walks down the stairs to see red and yellow blurs running around his mom.
Dad – “Run Barry run!”
And like that Barry gets teleported away to some abandoned street. I’m sure we’ll finish this flashback later, but things are not looking good for Barry’s parents. Then again, I can’t think of any superhero having their parents in good shape.

Barry seems pretty slow and out of breath for running his whole life, and he’s late all the time. It’s funny because he’ll be the fastest man alive soon. Cool older black cop covers for Barry, but what was he really expecting from him?
father cop meh“Did you get what I asked for?”
His face looks like he wanted Barry to give him anything other than half eaten chocolate. You sure aren’t…quick on your feet Barry.

14 years ago he was a little kid running away from bullies, probably 12 at the oldest. So he’s 24~26 and the only guy in CSI. This is Central City, are you telling me that this young kid is the only guy available? There are a dozen CSI shows on TV, send one of them!
Barry states car facts that only Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny would understand. His face was really close to those tire tracks and subsequent fecal excrement, but he still needs to scoop some poop on a pen to smell it up close before confirming it’s indeed cow poop. Barry doesn’t respect pens.

I thought it was funny that the pen was important to the other cop, but if his dad gave him that pen before he died then maybe he should have said something earlier like, “that pen is important to me” or “what are you going to use my important pen for?” Also who gives someone a pen before they die?

Seeing Barry as the only guy in the lab strengthens my case of him being the only guy in CSI. He tells Iris that he’ll be too busy helping her dad to see the Star Industries event that he planned for. Maybe he can get one of his coworkers to cover for him? I guess they can buy pretty fancy equipment and an amazing office space when they only have one guy on the payroll.That is the biggest box of fries I have ever seen. I wonder if they’ll ever tell us more about her dissertation, I’d say the chances are the about the same as those fries being finished.

Barry – “You look amazing.”
Took the words right out of my mouth Barry.
“Harrison Wells’ work in quantum theory is light years ahead of anything they’re doing at CERN.“
Iris – “You’re doing that thing where you’re not speaking English.”
Are you kidding me? That’s some pretty simple stuff he just said, seriously go reread what I just wrote down, did any of that seem confusing? CERN is an organization and Harrison Wells is a person. What’s her dissertation on again?

boob science
Barry draws a BOOB to explain quantum theory…
Old math equations on the board are there to tell us science things happen here, although maybe he keeps that up so he doesn’t walk into this glass board all the time.
Iris – “You really got to get a girlfriend.”
Attractive girl isn’t attracted to attractive dude because it’ll be more dramatic when they hook up later. Thanks for your contribution CW.
“Your test thingy is done.”
Every word out of her mouth makes her less attractive.

Barry – “There are 4 farms in the area that still use some complex antibiotic in their feed.”
There are 4 farms in the area near Central City? I thought farms were supposed to be far away from cities. He said it in a way that made it seem there are a lot more farms nearby and he narrowed it down to 4 farms. How many farms are near this city? That doesn’t seem right but I don’t know enough about farms to dispute it…That poop stayed on the car’s tire during the long (short?) drive into the city, only to come off and stay at the crime scene… That is one convenient poop.

glasses the whole timeBarry is so far in the friendzone it hurts. Draw that boob again Barry, you’re the nipple, and the boob is the friendzone radius. Even the fastest man alive can’t escape the friendzone. There are protesters outside the event that the couple pair don’t seem to notice. Foreshadowing an event we know is going to happen already.

“The future will be here faster than you think.”
Hey it’s JD’s older brother from Scrubs! I already like this guy.

A guy steals Iris’s purse laptop bag. Girl’s right in the middle of a crowd are always easiest to steal from. Good thing everyone gets out of the way for the thief. I can’t put this all on the crowd though, maybe shouting THIEF could have gotten her more help. Barry is already out of breath chasing this guy. It’s funny because he’ll be the fastest man alive soon. Why did she bring her laptop to this event anyway? Why not leave it at the office?

Thief hits good guy with a laptop bag and it practically knocks him out. What’s really in that bag? Bricks? This white robber acts pretty desperately, but he doesn’t look desperate. He looks like he lives with his mom. She caught up really quick to these two.
Cop – “Or do you want to find out the hard way you’re not faster than a bullet?”
Cheesy line, but I love it. Why was that police guy even there though? It’s not like they were making a lot of noise.

She doesn’t like the handsome cocky cop but really does like that handsome cocky guy cliché.

Father Cop – “This is the last place on Barry’s list.”
Other Cop – “I doubt we’ll find the guy here.”
Father Cop – “It’s not like Barry used evidence from the crime scene to make this conclusion, but you’re right, I too am skeptical.”
Other Cop – “I’m 2 days from retirement and I left my bulletproof vest at home, where my wife and newborn son are waiting for me. Also I just cancelled my life insurance policy, what a waste of money am I right?”

This was the place, what a surprise! Bad guy starts shooting at the two cops and misses…then he runs away. No idea why he shot at them or why he didn’t just leave before. He had all day to escape on this airplane and didn’t. They chase after him and other cop dies, what a surprise! The plane blows up in the storm though. Now Barry was given a pen by a guy who died, the cycle continues.

large lab

Glass windows and glass panel ceiling gives a whole lot of natural light for a forensic lab, which I don’ think is standard. Barry’s back in his lab even though he’s done with work. So he goes back to the office because he found another clue to add to his mother murder board? I have no idea what he could have put up there. That hiding spot is only possible if he’s the only guy working there.

I love how all the chemicals are brightly colored liquids in open science beakers and flasks, just in case we didn’t know this was a lab. Barry gets struck by lightning and falls onto the chemicals. I mean if guys are getting blown up in airplanes and getting tornado powers, what’s the point of the lightning and chemicals.

The EMT asks how Barry is still alive after getting hit by lightning…there have been numerous  cases of people living after getting struck by lightning. The important question here is “how he still alive after all those chemicals fell on him?” I’m not sure what the proper treatment for lightning victims is, but a defibrillator wouldn’t be my first choice.

9 month time skip…it’s like symbolism for him being reborn.

lab nerds

They wake him up with Poker Face…at least it wasn’t Nickelback or a Creed song.

“Hi, I’m comic relief and this is potential love interest.”
Potential love interest – “I need you to urinate in this.”
Maybe they’re both comic relief characters.
Not moving for 9 months is okay because he has superpowers.
“Lightning gave me abs?”
In case we forgot this show was on the CW.
Professor X with hair enters to explain what happened.

This place was classified as a class 4 hazardous location…out of a scale what? It’s still okay for people to work here so it can’t be that bad. So he explains that the particle accelerator went into the air and created a storm cloud and that energy struck Barry. Still waiting for that chemical explanation. His heartbeat was moving too fast for the EKG to register it, does his heart still do this? Also Barry’s super speed somehow causes electrical shortages in the hospital.

grodd

The Gorilla Grodd escaped cage clip is a neat nod, even I know who that guy is. I don’t feel like we’ll see him unless they can get that gorilla from the Zookeeper to play him, but Andy Serkis would be my second choice. That’s right, I just made a Zookeeper reference.

Iris has been coming to see Barry when he was in a coma.
Dr. Babe – “She talks a lot.”
Comic relief – “Also she’s hot.”
Comic relief doing his thing. It’ll take a while for me to learn everyone’s names, so nicknames it is for now.

glasses xBarry – “I feel fine, see ya, thank you for saving my life.”
Lab Nerds – “Really?”
Really.
He asks to take the sweatshirt, but he changes into new clothes in the next scene! How did he get home? Did he just waltz out of a level 4 hazardous location? Does he have money? A car? It doesn’t seem like he knows about his super speed yet, does he just walk? That’s probably the last time he walks anywhere.

Iris works in a coffee house, I guess that dissertation didn’t go to swell. Not that I’m surprised.
“I watched you die Barry, your heart kept stopping.”
I guess Professor X didn’t explain to her what happened. Why did they trust STAR Labs to take care of Barry in his coma again? Then again, I can also see him explaining it but her being too dumb to understand. Barry starts to realize he may have powers in the coffee shop but not during his walk home.

Good thing the villain also waited 9 months before attacking, was he also in a coma? What’s his excuse? We all know how long the bad guy likes to wait before doing something, like boarding an escape airplane, but this is just a ridiculous coincidence.

How did any crimes get solved with their entire CSI unit out of commission?! Barry’s powers are awaking as he runs into a police car at super speed but he walks away fine. This is this the same guy that got taken out by a laptop bag 9 months ago. Lightning gave him abs and better defense capabilities all around as well. He could barely control his super speed in that thin alley, so he takes off at full speed. Thank God for that pillow truck otherwise he may have fallen right back into a coma. He goes from scared and confused about his powers to, “this is awesome.” His reaction would probably be my reaction too, so I can’t say this isn’t realistic.

lightning bolt earsComic relief guy gives Barry a lightning bolt shaped headset so they can talk to him. The lightning shape is to help the range of the antenna…can’t we just say he designed it to look cool? Isn’t this a little mean to Barry? He sort of got struck by lightning. He almost died according to that EMT.

Barry checks out the only other girl with speaking lines in this show.

Barry – “Nothing, I just notice you don’t smile too much.”
Girl 2 – “My once promising career in bioengineering is over, my boss is in a wheelchair, and the explosion that put you in a coma also killed my fiancé. So this blank expression feels like the way to go.”
Barry – “Soooo, you’re saying single?”
So neither girl is attracted to Barry? When is this going to change? Did you see his abs?

So does Barry just run straight ahead at 300 mph… Not only are there multiple farms near Central City, but there are abandoned runways miles long. This runway is giving the Fast and Furious 6 runway a run for its money. Did they not tell him how long this track was? I know he had that flashback and he lost focus for a second, but those water containers came out of nowhere. He’s going at over 300 mph! Give my boy a heads up.

Woman banker who saw the weatherman create hurricanes from his hands can’t explain exactly what happened. Barry has a blog, I’ll read his if he reads mine. Actually I’d read his regardless. They said the robber stole 200,000 dollars, but he’s holding 2 duffel bags full of money. If Dodgeball has taught me anything, it’s that 50,000 looks like a sliver, so there should be a lot more money in those bags. When father cop zooms in on the license plate, it still looks blurry. Thank you for that.

Dr. Babe tells Barry that his hand healed in 3 hours…he can’t like…feel it’s healed? It’s his hand right? Barry tells the lab nerds about his mom’s murder and how he saw a ball of lightning kill her. We all know it’s someone or someones with super speed.

friendzonedBarry is the only one surprised that Iris is dating handsome douche cop, she’s confused Barry is upset about her dating someone else…I bet a lot of things confuse her. Luckily the bad guy interrupts the conversation.

Barry somehow runs into the passenger seat of a car through a window. I think one of Barry’s powers is to vibrate through walls, but this doesn’t seem like the case here. Weatherman goes to grab his gun and Barry retaliates by flipping the car…like somehow that’s the safer option. Did Barry also super speedily put on a seatbelt? Al Roker somehow walks away from an overturned car no problem. I’m just going to assume this car has magical properties. Bad guy makes fog because it’s not the end of the episode yet so these 2 can’t fight. A random car goes full speed into a dense fog and crashes and explodes. That driver deserved to die. The fog also disappears in seconds and Al Roker escapes faster than the fastest man alive.

Cop father is overprotective of his daughter and blames Barry for her being part of this pretty much unavoidable situation. Barry also saved her from a car so he’s done a pretty good job. Cop sees Barry as his own son and lets him be a cop, but doesn’t allow daughter to become one too because he’s sexist.

farm city 2

I just wanted to remind everyone that this is the city that has multiple farms around it and an endless runway.

Barry takes father cop 3 steps away to have a private conversation and tells him that the bank robber has super powers. I think he’d believe you if, I don’t know, you ran really fast in front of him.
Cop Father – “There is no man controlling the weather, just like there was no ball of lightning in your house when your mother was killed.”
Ouch, a little far there. How are these 2 things connected? Are these the only times he hasn’t believed Barry?

Cop Father – “You’re dad killed your mom by running around her really fast. His fingerprints were all over her body!”
How bad is this police force? Clearly the dad didn’t murder the mom, but there should also be no evidence he killed her either. Were they just like, “well he’s the only guy here so he must have killed her!” No wonder Barry is the only current member on CSI, the rest of them sucked. Iris tells the two to calm down because she’s 3 steps away and can hear everything.

best sketch in the world

Douchebag handsome cop gives father cop evidence to help make Barry’s story believable, if only he got there a little quicker. What is this the best sketch in the world?! There’s no way this was off word of mouth descriptions. I think the director was like “get me a sketch of this dude” and gave the art major this exact picture. She just drew this picture of him with a hat on, he has the same smirk in both pictures!

Barry runs to STAR Labs and yells at the lab nerds. They had 9 months to find the other meta humans, but only found Barry…the kid in the coma who couldn’t run away from them. Nobody else was sent to the hospital when they received their powers?
Barry – “We have to find the others.”
Prof Wells – “That’s a job for the police.”
Barry – “I work for the police.”
Boom, shut down!
Prof Wells – “Yeah as a forensic assistant.”
Who is he assisting? Seriously, just show one other guy in a lab coat and I’ll believe this statement.
Prof Wells – “I lost everything. I lost my reputation, I lost my company, I lost my freedom. And then you broke your arm and it healed in 3 hours. We can use you to find cures for others, you can’t risk that by going to play hero…You’re not a hero, you’re just a young man who got struck by lightning.”
Prof Wells – “Now stay here so we can run tests on your superhuman healing capabilities that we can’t risk in the real world.”

Barry doesn’t really need a suit or goggles when running over 300 mph.
Flashback.
Kid Barry runs through an entire crime scene and the police don’t do anything. The father yells at young Barry to not go in the house, maybe he should have told the cops to keep his son out, but then again I haven’t seen the cops do anything in the show so far. The cops just let the kid run up to his dead mother. Kid Barry yells at clearly dead mom to wake up, wait until he finds out his goldfish died, that’ll floor him.

fish tank

Barry knows how to brake now, and his jacket is on fire after running 595 miles. The rest of his clothes are okay though, but at least there’s some realism. I feel like his shoes would have melted off first, but I like the effort.

“I spent my whole life searching for the impossible, never imagining that I would become the impossible.”
This line is so corny, but so cool…
Did he find Green Arrow chilling on the roof or did he find Oliver and then Oliver told him to meet him on the roof after he changed. 600 miles means it took Barry a little less than 2 hours to run there. Barry could probably protect both cities if he wanted to.

I’m calling bullshit he was talking to Arrow the whole time, he was clearly talking to the audience in the beginning.
Barry – “You see that red blur, that’s me.”
Yes we as the audience see that red blur in the beginning of the episode, the Arrow couldn’t have.

green arrow
Oliver – “I don’t think that bolt of lightning struck you, I think it chose you.”
Again super corny, but somehow works.
Barry – “I don’t know if I’m like you Oliver, I don’t know if I can be some…vigilante.”
Oliver – “You can be better…”
Because he has super speed and you just have a bow and arrow, an outdated form of weaponry?Because if Oliver ever wanted to meet Barry he’d have to buy a plane ticket?
“Because you can inspire people.”
Or that I guess.
“Saving people…in a flash.”
Roll credits!
“Take your own advice, wear a mask.”
Arrow zip lines away to show off and it works, but loses his cool moment when he’s impressed with Barry running away. I love how they both think each other are cool.

Barry finds boxes of files on potential meta humans, what have these lab nerds been doing the past 9 months? Dr. Babe looks exactly the same as she does in Sky High, that girl does not age.

Comic relief designed this convenient flash suit for firemen. He thought he could restore faith in Dr. Wells by making a super fireman suit…just one fireman suit. It’s fire resistant so that means it’s also fire resistant at high velocity speeds. Sure. It’s really easy to run long distances in and the aerodynamic design is so firemen can run into buildings faster. Sure. Plus it has built-in sensors so they can stay in contact and track each individual fireman’s vitals from the lab…he would be able to talk to firemen during a rescue too. Sure…No hard helmet for this suit? That’s like the second most important thing a fireman needs. Can comic relief just admit he designed this for Barry?

lab nerds 2

Dr. Babe finds the weatherman by looking at weather patterns…and other smart things. He’s on a farm just west of the city. That same farm. Like does the bad guy own that farm? Is it an abandoned farm? How is he able to continually hide out there? Where’s the farmer and these pooping cows?

Father cop makes the same mistake that cost him his first partner’s life. Weatherman seemed to be waiting for the cops to arrive. He goes on to explain that he’s known of his super powers after he survived the storm, but doesn’t explain why he did nothing for 9 months…He also believes he’s god.

Father Cop – “Shut the hell up.”
Took the words right out of my mouth.
Storm pushes the two cops back with his super weather powers and handsome cop gets knocked out after being thrown into a pile of hay.
Storm Roker – “Do you think your guns can stop God?”
No, but they can stop you, and they do a few minutes later.
Father Cop – “Why would God need to rob banks?”
Brick Tamland agrees with father cop and starts making a tornado as if he didn’t realize he should have thought bigger before. You know this reaction actually makes the 9 month wait seem a little more legit. Still total BS, but it helps.

Barry saves his “father” by jumping in front of a barn door…I mean it takes 3 hours to heal a broken arm, he isn’t resistant to pain now. That should still hurt, but I guess that fireman suit really came in handy. Barry takes off the goggles and fireman mask because… I hope some debris fall into his eyes, he should have at least kept the goggles on!

skinny tornado

Comic Relief – “Wind speeds are over 200 mph and increasing.”
A F5 tornado has up to 261–318 mph winds and is the highest level tornado on the Fujita scale. These tornadoes are usually ¾ of a mile wide and not skinny like this one though. I mean this is a super tornado so I’ll let it slide, but at least you guys learned something today.
Glad those headphones still have great reception by a tornado.
Barry – “How can I stop it?”
Barry finds the answer without their help because the lab nerds don’t really do anything.
“Uh, how about I run around it really fast?”
Did you have any other option?
Apparently he has to go 700 mph in the opposite direction to stop a 300 mph tornado… The good news is that he can visit Oliver in under an hour now. Barry tries running, but the dad from Drake and Josh zaps him with lightning. Who says lightning can’t strike twice? Good thing that fireman suit is resistant to lightning.

Professor Wells gives Barry a motivational speech. “Now run Barry run!”
These are the exact same words his father tells Barry when his mom is being attacked by “balls of lightning,” a pretty interesting comparison actually. Before his dad wants him to run away from danger, now Prof Wells wants him to run towards it. Imagine if Barry ran the wrong direction and somehow made a super tornado…

Phil Conners doesn’t try shooting lightning at Barry again and instead just starts screaming angrily. They aren’t going to blow their entire CGI budget on the pilot. I mean if Game of Thrones is strapped for cash on HBO for showing dragons for 10 seconds an episode, I’m gonna assume this budget is much smaller. The next couple episodes are going to focus on talking and off-screen fights. Prof Wells takes off his glasses because he’s so impressed cliché.

Barry ran so fast he lost his mask after dispelling the tornado. Storm pulls a gun on Barry before father cop saves the day. Was Barry in any danger? I mean super speed > gun. Weatherman seems like a cool villain, but I feel like he was killed off too early because his powers cost too much money. Also handsome cop is still out cold, again he’s still out cold after getting thrown into a pile of HAY. What is that hay made of, laptop bags? He misses the entire super fight and Barry’s “secret identity.” 5 people know he’s the Flash, but it could have been 6.

It takes until morning for the crew to start cleaning up, which is perfectly reasonable, but it’s unreasonable that Barry and father cop didn’t talk until now. Father cop believes Barry and agrees that his father is innocent…but Barry’s dad will most likely stay in jail forever. It’s not like the chief of police can pull any strings. Barry must promise to keep his secret from Iris so he can have a secret identity from one main character. Also somehow keeping his identity a secret from her keeps her safe because reasons.

spock glass

Mr. Allen -“Hey slugger.”
“You’ve been calling me that since I was 11.”
He’s been calling Barry that ever since he’s been in prison…wait he hasn’t been calling Barry that since before he was 11? Was it only because of that one fight he won in the flashback? I’m glad someone took the time to tell Mr. Allen that his son was in a coma.
“I got into a fight recently.”
Mr. Allen – “Did you win?”
Asking the important questions here.
“Yeah, I did.”
Barry lies again…pretty sure you got bailed out by father cop. The whole “slugger” nickname is built on a throne of lies!
Barry has super speed and could probably get his father out of prison. I mean he’s been in jail for years on a false pretenses, but because it’s morally wrong to break someone out of prison Barry doesn’t do it? Seriously if I had super speed getting my innocent dad out of jail would be one of the first things I’d do. Nope, Barry plans of proving his father’s innocence by finding his mother’s killer…

Comic relief is sewing a lightning bolt onto the Flash costume.
Dr. Babe – “Why is it shaped like a lightning bolt?”
“So it’s not boring.”
No one questions the headgear shaped like lightning bolts, but okay.

Barry – “My name is Barry Allen and I am the fastest man alive.”
Yeah we know that, we overheard you telling that to Green Arrow at the start of the episode. Barry runs so fast he destroys a bunch of random car windows, that’s not cool. Does Barry just run around looking for people to save? Barry takes his nickname from Oliver’s suggestion, the Flash. I don’t think Oliver suggested that as a superhero name though, if asked I bet Oliver would have called him Red Fast Guy, I’m basing this off how creative his superhero name is.

hand screenI don’t know if this is Prof Wells’ super power or that’s just a hand recognition thing on the wall. If he can walk I guess I can’t call him Professor X anymore, but I feel more betrayed that he doesn’t need glasses. He had glasses on when he gave the speech in the beginning of the episode, how far back does this charade go?!

So this newspaper is from the future, date April 25 2024. I’m surprised printed media is still around in the future. So from this newspaper it looks like Batman and Green Arrow team up, at least their companies do. Maybe Professor Liar is either a villain or a good guy from the future, but then again, once I learned he doesn’t need glasses I’m leaning towards villain. Maybe Barry and the red sky are connected as they both vanish according to the headline.

future newspaper

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