Flash Recap: The Fastest Man Alive

he's totattl looking at her bewbs
352 MPH is a slow day for him. 761 MPH is the speed of sound. Just putting that out there. The fire trucks are two minutes out from the burning building and apparently they can’t make it in time, if only someone could get there faster!
It’s unfortunate those fireman suits Comic Relief made for them will go to waste.

Barry over shot the burning building by 6 blocks…can he…can he, like, see when he’s running?

Comic relief hides that he’s teaming up with Barry to help people from Dr. Wet Blanket because she’s against him using his powers to help people…for some reason. Barry needs to tell Comic Relief there’s fire everywhere in the burning building he came to save… Now would be a good time to utilize the mask and goggles, that suit was originally designed for firemen and he doesn’t use that to his advantage. Is he breathing in CO2 at super speed as well?
fire kid This kid seems oblivious to the raging fire around her. There were 2 other people who were saved, but no one was asking where they were before. I guess that’s depressing. What was their excuse for not being able to get out of a burning building? Stupidity? The fire trucks get there like half a second after Barry skedaddles away, they probably could have saved those people, just with less style.

Barry is able to talk and hear Caitlin without his mask/helmet on…my grandpa can barely hear me when I talk to him on the phone or from point-blank range. Either these guys are taking liberties with Barry’s two-way radio or my grandpa needs a hearing aid.
Dr. Babe- “You can’t be running around the city like some super sonic fire man.”
Why are they worried about his safety? He can’t get himself killed when he has super regeneration. Although Barry was in a coma for 9 months and there was no other meta human activity, we’ll have one every Tuesday for our viewing pleasure.
Dr. Wells – “Not to sound like a broken record Mr. Allen, I do caution restraint.”
It’s funny cause his legs are broken!
Barry – “I doubt restraint is how you got to be the man you are today.“
Dr. Wells – “In a wheelchair…”
If Barry is a jerk to a guy pretending to be handicapped is he really a jerk?

The fireman suit was able to pick up some weird telemetry. What can’t this suit do? Comic Relief was holding on to Barry’s phone because his Flash suit doesn’t have pockets, that’s a pretty huge design flaw. It can pick up Barry’s weird telemetry, but it can’t hold his telephone… Also I noticed Dr. Babe is wearing heels to her lab job, this is why I call her Dr. Babe.

ears and mask never onaweBarry didn’t take his clothes but it would take like 5 seconds to run back and get them. Also he runs without his mask on yet again! Is there any point for this mask? Did he steal the clothes from good will? That’s the only answer I can think of seeing as he has no pockets to hold money.
“I was going so fast this morning I didn’t even notice.”
Hehehe. I’ll stop laughing when these jokes stop getting old.

Two episodes in and Barry is still the only CSI guy in Central City.
How do we know it’s not one guy with 6 pairs of feet? That’s my attempt at a Boondock Saints reference. It’s funny because it is technically one guy with 6 guns again…
Somehow Barry thinks it’s 6 different guys wearing the same pairs of shoes all the same size…look I know it’s a guy that can clone himself but there’s no way Barry would be able to figure that out by the footprints. NO WAY! The more reasonable conclusion is one guy running around the store like a lunatic.

Father Cop- “I’m starting to think ‘Joe I’m sorry’ is my actual name seeing how often you say it.”
Hehehe, great line.
“Gravity makes things fall, water makes things wet, and I thought the fastest mile time could only be done in 4 minutes.”
Actually Hicham El Guerrouj is the current men’s record holder with 3:43.13. I understand this is a different universe and he may not exist in it so I’ll let it slide Joe. I’m sorry to say you’re wrong in this universe however.
Barry – “I bet I can do it in 3 seconds.”
That would mean he would be running at 1,200 MPH. He needed a super pep talk to run 700 MPH, and I’m still not even sure he ran that fast.

Car beats little kid running every time young Barry, suck it. For some reason I really dislike young Barry, he just annoys me. I think its his whiny voice.
“You’re not my father! You can’t tell me what to do! I hate you!”
Back to back clichés!

Do they have a Ben Franklin statue because he got struck by lightning? Neat. Barry is a human centrifuge. He doesn’t have to look out for coworkers discovering his powers because he’s all alone in there. Journalism covers her sociology requirement…she has a sociology requirement even though she finished her dissertation 9 months ago…I have no idea what her major is. Who takes intro to journalism after their dissertation is finished?
Barry – “You look really nice.”
Took the words right out of my mouth.
Iris – “How fast can you go back and change?”
Barry- “Pretty fast.”
More speed puns! They are not slowing down the episode at all.
Iris and Detective Handsome make out, but what if one of Barry’s coworkers catches them kissing?!

They have a STAGG Industries and STAR Labs in the same city, what is this nerd central?
Journalists should be able to drink on the job. Barry is wrong to not drink with Iris. Iris didn’t write down anything the entire time she’s be here.
Iris – “I’ll just make something up.”
She’s becoming a real journalist.
Instead of telling Iris how he feels Barry is interrupted by Clone Man. The security guard must have massive balls to challenge 6 armed robbers; too bad he’s also an idiot for challenging 6 armed robbers. How much are they paying this guy? It’s not enough.

Barry swoops in and saves the security guard, but passes out for reasons unknown. Iris finds Barry outside after she was literally holding on to him in the earlier scene. At least the security guard called the cops.
Joe I’m Sorry – “Chasing bad guys is not your job. It’s mine, you’re not a cop.”
He’s just the only guy in CSI. Are they not considered cops? I’ll stop these jokes when the speed puns stop or they show any other CSI person.
“And you know Iris is not stupid.”
“Start making better excuses.”
Well he wasn’t lying to Iris. I thought it was a pretty decent excuse, he was trying to catch the license plates and he passed out. I mean that’s what actually happened.

Dr. Babe – “In science we share, we do not keep secrets.”
I’ve taken science in every level of my schooling career and never heard this. She always seems to be angry on-screen, probably all that sexual tension.

secret board

I’m honestly surprised he isn’t running on that super treadmill with his shirt off, are we sure this show is on the CW? The maximum speed on a treadmill is 12 mph; I feel like they go a lot faster than that. This treadmill can go over 300 mph…did Cisco just make this in his spare time? Do we live in a world where we can just make treadmills that are capable of going 300 mph but don’t use them because we don’t have any use for them? I think running on a Slip’N Slide would have been just as effective and easier to make… Of course, the glucose levels. That’s why he’s passing out. Sure, it doesn’t make sense to me, but okay I can live with this.

Joe finds Barry’s secret collage board; I guess he never went looking through Barry’s lab when he was in a coma. There was no need to go to the lab or solve crimes or anything like that.
hat jaopdsJoe needs to start wearing that hat again; he can totally pull that off.
I take showers at 3 O clock in the afternoon, is that wrong?! Why is this such a suspicious answer?!
This little Iris seems much smarter than her future self. Iris and Barry are the same age, but Barry is head of CSI and Iris is taking intro to journalism classes…

Barry needs to eat 850 tacos a day to stay functional, but that’s without calculating if they have cheese and guac on them. Who doesn’t have cheese and guac on their tacos? Get your shit together Comic Relief or you’ll never promote to real name status. I think Barry could just finish that giant box of fries from the pilot and be okay. I hope we see empty piles of food around Barry every episode.

Love how father cop is against Iris fighting crime despite that’s what Barry’s doing at his current job and what he’s literally doing. Hypocrite father!
Barry – “You saw a man control the weather, what are the police going to do against that?”
Well technically Father Cop was the one to take that guy down.
Father Cop – “What are you going to do? Catch them?”
He brings up a good point, prisons can’t really hold these meta humans down, and by the end of the episode Barry is 2 for 2 on killing these bad meta humans. What are you guys going to do when you catch one alive? Build a prison?
Father Cop- “You think just because you can run really fast your invincible? You’re not!”
He is though. Plus he has super fast healing. 3 hours to fix a broken arm > 9 months to recover from lightning charged super speed. He also was in a car accident last episode and had no injuries, he’s pretty much invincible.sad cop
Barry – “I’m not your kid Joe!”
It still hurts when he calls Father Cop Joe…
Joe Cop – “But you don’t know what you don’t know.”
This line reminded me of Samuel L Jackson’s line from Pulp Fiction. Here’s the cartoon rendition of it.

So apparently Clone Man only wanted revenge against the humanitarian, but robbed those people anyway because…why not steal things when you can right?
So the security guard sells out his employer because… also why couldn’t he stall his employer at the event if he knew this guy was coming to kill him. You had one fake job to do!
Cloning seems painful, why he didn’t just have his clones waiting in the shadows to jump him is beyond me.
“I am an army.”
6 people makes an army. 6 cloned nerdy scientists can kick an experienced bodyguard’s ass.

Either Barry is on that new diet and is eating a lot of donuts or his coworkers ate those donuts and got the hell out of there before they were caught on screen.

donuts aten
Iris works at a coffee store and goes to school, but always has time to visit Barry…I can see why she’s struggling. Iris is mad Barry forgot to help her last night, but she didn’t text or call him when he didn’t show? She needs to find a whole new topic now because…She asked for Barry’s help, but when he didn’t show she just doesn’t do the assignment? Was she going to have Barry do the whole thing?
Iris – “Do you honestly think I don’t know when you’re happy or sad or depressed or lost?”
Yes I honestly don’t think she does. She doesn’t even pick up that he loves her. Plus she used sad and depressed, they’re essentially the same word. She couldn’t think of 4 different emotional states.
Barry can talk and run around her before Iris can finish pouring one packet of sugar, which is cool, but how fast would he have to be going for her not to notice? “Pretty fast.” Thanks past Barry!
Somehow the clone’s cells are stem cells…wouldn’t they be normal cells by the time they’re cloned out? They also don’t just come from babies like Barry claims, are you sure you want homework advice from this guy?

storm loserGuy who wants to be killed -“You honestly think someone wants to kill me?”
Well his bodyguard just got killed and his event just got robbed at gunpoint and the police are telling him “hey some guy wants to kill you.” So yeah, I think someone wants to kill him.
Dumbass philanthropist assures police that guy out to kill him isn’t out to kill him is interrupted by guy trying to kill him. Luckily all 3 have terrible aim. There’s just something about clones having bad aim…

Everyone in the police force goes to help Father Cop and if we learned anything from the Dark Knight Rises it’s sending every police officer on one huge task is all part of Bane’s plan.
Barry “Go.”
Joe – “No.”
The people he carries away at super speed are okay? Just saying his clothes catch on fire from the speed, but people are okay.

Clone Man – “Sorry, we’re not going anywhere until that guy is dead.”
He doesn’t say I’m not going anywhere because technically it’s only him. The writers are so good at speed puns, but suck at clone puns.
I know clone Man is the Hydra of humans, but Barry was able to run around Iris and talk to her multiple times without her hearing him, so why can’t Barry take this guy out instantly? Apparently all it takes is 5 normal humans to beat a man who can run a “3 second mile.”
Barry is able to run really far away to escape, but his mask falls off again!

5 nation amry

Comic relief – “You got blood on my suit.”
Now his crimson suit is ruined.
So Captain Clone got his cloning powers because he was doing cloning experiments on himself when the storm struck. This explains Barry’s super speed because he fell on random chemicals after being struck by lightning. Also weatherman got his powers because he was in a plane struck by lightning. This doesn’t make any sense… Dr. Wells tries to cheer up Barry by saying,
“We can never learn how to fly without crashing a few times.”
I hope my airline pilots learned how to fly without crashing a few times.

Barry always has flashbacks when he’s running. Also Father Cop had the last 2 flashbacks, but Barry has the 3rd one. I’m calling shenanigans! The Flashbacks shouldn’t be in sync.
Prison Guard – “No touching!”
Dad doesn’t want his son coming to see him in prison because…he doesn’t want his son to see him in chains? He can hug his son 2 seconds after the no touching rule, that was thrown right out the window. I think it was just in there as homage to Arrested Development.

This guy has had 3 attempts on his life and has police counseling him to get better protection and claims to have increased security still has a man in a wheelchair sneak into his office.
Humanitarian Douche – “Harrison, don’t get up.”
It’s funny cause he can get up!
Father Cop now puts it together that STAR Labs only wanted Barry because of his super speed and not out of the goodness of their hearts. I mean unless the hospital kicked Barry out, why even hand Barry over to these guys in the first place?
Joe is more interested in protecting Barry than the city, that’s why I list father first and cop second.
Dr. Liar – “Doubt is his real enemy…”
Or is perfectly capable legs and normal vision man trying to throw Joe off the scent of his own evilness?

ate all day good

Barry clears out the food at the coffee house. I mean they’re probably just going to throw that stuff out anyway, but still, 7 plates of free food? Iris’s new topic is on the reason why Barry has been distant recently…
Iris – “Something out there is saving people.”
Barry – “I thought you were taking journalism not science fiction writing.”
More like comic book writing, am I right?!
I guess the Flash needs his own Lois Lane. Lois Lame has always been one of my least favorite characters though.
Dr. Babe – “You need to get to STAR Labs right now!”
Good thing he picked up the phone. She says it like it’s an emergency, but it’s not…she’s just kind of a drama queen.

Dr. Babe grew this man…and then dressed him. Or stem cells also work on clothes. I wanted to see more 6 packs. Curse you CW!
“Controlling those clones would demonstrate signs of weakness or fatigue.”
Sure. Barry’s weakness means he has to eat tacos, this guy gets fatigued after cloning.
Kalteen bars from Mean Girls are the solution to Barry’s eating problem. I think it’s funny how it must have taken Father Cop a while to drive to STAR Labs and it took only took Barry 5 seconds.
“The police can’t fight this…we need a Flash. For once in your life do what I want you to do and go stop him.”
Barry went to his room when Joe told him to in the flashback, Barry listens to him at work all the time too, he even went and got him that chocolate bar in the pilot!

Douchebag philanthropist is apparently the only guy in this massive building. He’s had multiple attempts on his life so he hires 2 security guards to replace his old dead one. He deserves to die. After hearing gunshots and knowing someone wants to kill him, he goes to investigate the sounds alone instead of calling the cops. Please die by the end of the episode, please.

matric beat u

What is this the matrix?! Barry saves guy who should be dead, only to run back and see all these clones throughout the building. He’s able to literally dodge a speeding bullet. The clones are as close as twins that they can finish each other’s sentences. Flash is able to finish Clone Man’s story, is Barry a clone too?

one drop of sweat is equal to fatigueDoes Barry need a pep talk every time he fights a bad guy? Wasn’t this his idea? Was it really the clone furthest back? He had one drop of sweat, it must be this guy! Fatigue! Maybe read some Naruto and learn some tricks about hiding amongst clones.

Barry tackles him across the building and wins the fight. They can tell when he has bad feelings in the beginning of the episode, but by the end of it they have to ask if he’s okay… seriously what does that suit do? After getting rammed into a metal pole at over 300 mph, clone man wakes up and tries to get a revenge tackle in, but flies out the window. That window seems really brittle for a normal human to crash through it. This is a business building on the top floor!

Clone Man grew another hand to grab on, but still falls. I still think Barry could have beat him to the ground and saved him. I mean he was able to run around and complain to Iris before she could pour sugar into a cup without her noticing, he can’t run down a few flights of stairs?
Do the clone bodies go away when he dies? When he gets knocked out earlier all the other clone bodies just get knocked out…are there like hundreds of dead clones in that building right now? I hope he’s an organ donor.

Barry- “I tried to save him.”
Nobody believes you.
Comic Relief names Clone Man ‘Multiplex’…Way to come up with a nickname for a dead guy. I guess we can put it on his gravestone. Multiplex won’t be a multiple occurring villain.
“I realize now we were all struck by that lightning.”
That line was so corny I’m physically ill.

Does Father Cop know about his diet issue? Because 3 pizzas doesn’t = 850 tacos. Does Barry usually eat 3 full pizzas? Father Cop says that’s what he usually likes so…
Barry has 3 father figures in this show, and now he has 3 pizzas.
Joe – “I know I’m not your father.”
Barry – “You’re right, you’re not.  You’re just the man who kept me fed and in clothes, who sat beside my bed at night until I fell asleep because I was afraid of the dark.”
Wait Barry was still afraid of the dark at that age? I understand he lost his parents, but wouldn’t he be more afraid of light than the dark if he believes a ball of light killed his mom? Him and darkness should be cool.

Dr. Wells gets back to back closing scenes. Wheelchair bound man sneaks up on a guy who’s been targeted for murder 4 times… Does Dr. Wells walk here and then whip out the wheelchair or does he just roll all the way down?
Dr. Wells – “The man in the red mask, he’s called the Flash. Or at least he will one day.”
*stabs the guy
He’s probably not a good guy…but this douchebag he killed wasn’t a good guy either and he claims he’s doing this to keep Barry “safe.” I bet his death won’t even be mentioned next episode.

So what happens to this building now that this guy is dead? If they’re looking for new renters I think CSI could use a bigger work space for just Barry.

Ben franklin satrij


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