Flash vs. Arrow Part 1 Recap

friendzoned again barry!

I just want to say I don’t watch Arrow or plan to watch it anytime soon, but I will recap the Arrow and Flash crossovers.

The Flash runs through the city acting as Cupid and painting houses instead of acting as a superhero. I think doing stuff like this would be a lot more useful if there weren’t a steady supply of metahumans coming into town. Doing cute hero stuff like this is why I like the Flash though.

Red eyes white human robs the easiest bank in the world; they just had the vault open! He literally walked right in, I could have stolen from that bank. This bank in Central City calls itself Gold City Bank…where’s this Gold City at? I think I saw a customer rip off one of the chained bank pens, what an evil thing to do.
I already know why the Flash and Arrow fight. Red Eyes can turn people into bad guys just by looking at them.

that's a $500 shot...$5000?

Random actress with some lines looks more confused than angry when she fires the gun, this is why she’ll never make it as a full-time actress! Barry uses a glass object that needs a miracle middle divider to block the bullet instead of simply moving the guy out of the way… and I thought Barry was supposed to be smart. Running past people at super speed stops the red eye effect. Red Eyes leaves 1 second before Barry gets there…and gets away from the fastest man alive.

I honestly wasn’t sure if they were sleeping together, but this clears things up. Wasn’t he gravely injured last episode? People are able to upload pictures to her blog…okay guys, start doing that for me too.
Eddie – “How do you know that wasn’t photoshopped?”
She doesn’t! And it’s funny because it was photoshopped in real life!
iris and her man in the morn

He believes in her, so do I, she isn’t a ghost. I’d say most people believe in her too.

So the chief casually mentions he’s gay, this city is much more progressive than Gold City. The big box of fries from the pilot makes its return! big box o fries returnsEddie wants to stop the Flash now because he can tell his girlfriend is attracted to him…it sort of comes out of nowhere though. The chief denies Eddie a specialized task force because there’s no proof of the Flash existing, the Central City CSI division can’t seem to figure out who he is either. Barry steals the chiefs food, he’s the only person allowed to eat those fries in this show! After stealing the chief’s food I’m surprised he didn’t give Eddie the okay to arrest the Flash right then.

Comic Relief does a Yoda impression in case we forgot he was a nerd…I didn’t, but okay.
Through CT scans of the victims Dr. Girl can tell that the executive function of the brain was tampered with, the part of the brain that stops us from doing stupid things. I don’t think my executive function has ever worked. I think Iris suffers from the same condition.

latest post is jitters tonight
Iris sends Barry a message through her Blog…can everyone see this message? Saved by the Flash is the name of her blog, but she had Saved in a Flash right there! So much better.
Dr. Girl – “Do you want some advice?”
Barry – “No matter what I say I’m getting advice right?”
That’s how advice works Barry.
Dr. Girl – “Stop creeping on Iris as the Flash.”

Barry doesn’t listen to her because that’s how advice works Dr. Girl.
Iris – “I’d love to call you by your real name.”
Barry – “Like Ralph?”
What! Where did this name come from?!
Barry playing Cupid in the opening monologue is ironic now because he’s trying to break up Iris and Eddie. Good thing she warned him about her boyfriend’s failed attempt to do something, explain to me how she’s not useless. Cisco contacts Barry with a loud “Barry are you there?” It’s almost like these people don’t want secret identities.
Ralph – “Got to run.”
Iris – “I bet you say that to all the girls.”
This isn’t something said to girls normally though…
She’s always out of breath when he leaves…I don’t know why either.

It takes all day for the bad guy to count his money…red eyes white human
“He always paid in cash, never seemed like trouble.”
Sure also shady businessman.
One of the cops gets turned by Red eyes and fires on the other cops. This time Barry pushes the guys out of the way instead of putting something in front of them. Barry saves Joe in a flash, but the Arrow swoops in and saves them from a man with a gun… you have super speed Bare, use it.
Arrow – “Nice mask.”
His mask is less helpful than Barry’s. The Arrow’s mask is so poor he has to wear a hood at all times to keep his identity secret.
Oliver parkours from the scene instead of chasing after Red Eyes, the job’s not done! 2 “super heroes” can’t capture one bad guy…

7.5 people now know Barry’s secret identity. Barry gave Oliver a half hour head start, but it still doesn’t feel long enough for a guy that averages over 300 mph.
The Arrow is looking into a boomerang bad guy and naturally came here because this boomerang villain is one of the most famous Flash villains.
Barry – “Did you know Australian aboriginals used boomerangs to hunt?”
Pretty sure if you know what a boomerang is you knew this too…maybe it’s just me though, I did go to a boomerang museum in Australia though…I’m only sort of lying here.
Lightning causes stutters, that’s a pretty special reaction actually. Arrow Comic Relief shouldn’t discount that.
Oliver is reluctant to team up with Barry because he doesn’t want his secret identity exposed, but maybe he should just consider getting a better mask.

purse bra

Dr. Smoking Hot’s clothes catch on fire and she has no choice but to take her clothes off. I’m not sure if it was because of Barry’s speed or her hotness.
Felicity – “I’m glad I decided not to go braless.”
I’m not glad she decided not to go braless. If only this were on HBO.
Dr. Girl asks if Felicity is in town to visit Barry again.
Dr. Smoking Hot – “We looked down that road and said no.”
I thought they shared a pretty awesome kiss, when did they decide on no? Barry gets friendzoned by another pretty girl.

After getting testimony from the cop who got red eyed earlier, Dr. Girl is able to conclude Red Eyes is able to induce rage through the ocular nerve. How she wasn’t able to get this conclusion from what the people in the bank said I’ll never know.

Dr. Wheels and Father Cop don’t trust the Arrow because he kills people. Pretty hypocritical seeing as almost every meta human they’ve fought so far is dead, even the one they didn’t fight is dead. Dr. Wheels makes a reference to Batman and I’m not sure if it was to comic Batman or to actual Batman.

boomerang cisco
The deadly boomerang flies on it’s own in the background, but doesn’t kill anyone. This inefficient weapon is still better than what Barry uses. I swear Cisco’s evil; he’s the one we should be looking out for, not Dr. Wheels.

Other Comic Relief – “Does he pee at super speeds?”
The lab nerds from the Arrow ask really good questions.

Oliver discovers Red Eye’s name is Roy G Bivolo by shooting shady business man in the leg. Naming the character Roy G Biv would have just been too corny apparently.
Arrow refuses to team up with Barry even though he’s twice now initiated teaming up. Iris is the only one in this coffee shop to recognize one of the richest men in the world.

iris and oliver
Iris – “He’ even more handsome in person and his arms are like twice the size of yours.”
Yeah, but how fast can he run?
Oliver Queen is one of the 3 guys she’s allowed to cheat on with Eddie; I bet one of the other names is Ralph. The Arrow is reluctant to team up with Barry because he wanted his crossover episode to go first. They team up anyway.

Oliver – “How can you have super speed and not be on time?”
Because Oliver isn’t worth being on time for. Because it’s funnier this way.
Green Olive – “We need to train.”
Barry – “Did I mention I have super speed? I don’t need to train.”
Oliver reads Iris’s blog and tells Barry he should be preparing more.
“There’s a difference between having powers and having precision.”
Yeah, having powers is a lot cooler and better.

barry face 9 2I don’t think Oliver should feel too proud for hitting Barry with an oliver (cause he’s the Arrow…get it?), I mean every villain has hit Barry so far.
Barry – “You shot me?!”
“I heard you heal fast.”
Hehehe. Good one.
I think he only shoots Barry to show his dominance over him, that’s fine I guess, but it’s kind of a dick move.

Father Cop – “There are 2 things I won’t be doing in this life, playing professional baseball and thanking that lunatic.”
Keep giving us good lines like this writers

I get that Roy G Biv uses the color red to make people angry, but judging by his name it sounds like he can use other colors to induce different emotions as well. This dude could have been a much cooler villain, well as cool as a guy named Roy G Biv could be, if he tried inducing other emotions.

Felicity – “Hey what’s up doc? I’m sorry that was dumb.”
Yeah it was dumb.
“Remember I went to MIT.”
And she has glasses in case we forgot she’s smart.
I’m glad Dr. Smoking Hot doesn’t reveal Oliver’s secret identity.
Barry – “You knew he was going to shoot me?”
Felicity – “Well it is practically impossible to tell when Oliver is making a joke.”
And Dr. Wheels has figured out the Arrows secret identity already!

team star labs

Barry uses his vibration skills to vibrate the lock off the door and fight Red Eyes. Not really that sneaky when it thuds to the ground, but still cool. He knew about this guy’s powers but didn’t wear sun glasses or prepare at all…literally wearing sun glasses can stop this guy’s powers, come on man! Green Olive told him 2 scenes ago to prepare better, this was an easy one to prepare for!
Red Eyes – “I knew you were coming for me, I could see it in your eyes at the bank.”
Does he get eye puns instead of color puns? He should get color puns.
And he was gone before Barry arrived at the bank. Barry practically knocks off his sunglasses and looks Red Eyes in the eyes because he just wants an excuse to fight the Arrow already. Even after getting red eyed Ralph shouldn’t have an excuse for letting this guy escape again. That’s 3 times now!

I mean he can’t even get drunk; maybe he can’t get angry either. Clearly he is angry and Barry goes on a verbal hulk rampage starting with Dr. Girl’s dead husband.

arrow faee 1 1Barry – “Jealousy is a new emotion for you, so you might be a little slow to get what you’re feeling.”
Dishing out the speed burns to Oliver. I‘d tell Barry to carry Oliver to the nearest burn hospital, but that would just be counter productive.
“You’ll never be as fast as I am.”
No one will ever be as fast as him…
“That has to hurt you’re rock hard pride.”
It doesn’t hurt his rock hard abs though.

Barry’s anger is justified, he should be mad at the chief, he’s the only guy in CSI. That’s a lot of work.
Ralph – “When I am not calm, you’ll know.”
He knows. We know. Everyone at STAR Labs knows he’s not calm.

Comic Relief – “A cold gun would really come in handy right now.”
But he’s the one who lost it! Just build another one or shut up.
Dr. Wheels already figures out who the Arrow is, I don’t think he’s smart, more like everyone else is dumb. I don’t know how many people know the Arrow’s secret identity but I’m going to guess the list is longer than Barry’s list.

Eddie – “How do you know so much about the Flash?”
Uh, do you not read her blog and notice the meet up call posts? What a terrible boyfriend, he clearly doesn’t read her blog then. Barry waits until night time to confront Eddie. Barry throws Eddie out of a moving car and onto a deserted street…where is everyone? This confrontation would explain a lot better why Eddie hates the Flash instead of it coming out of the blue earlier.

face recognition waaat

I thought for sure Eddie was going to accidentally shoot Iris, glad he didn’t. Does Eddie carry his gun with him at all times? Do off duty cops normally do this? Facial recognition software was able to identify Barry off this blurry photo…does that mask do anything?!
The Arrow saves Eddie right before Barry shoves him again at super speed…

Comic Relief – “I just hope they can turn Barry back before he kills Oliver.”
Oliver isn’t a metahuman, he should be fine.
Comic Relief 2 – “I’d be more worried about what Oliver might have to do to Barry.”
Like shoot him with an arrow? 2 arrows?!
Dr. Girl – “Barry has super powers; Oliver has a bow and arrow.”
In theory Barry should win every time, but he’s lost to every villain he’s faced so far so I don’t have high expectations.
Comic Relief 2 – “Do you know how many people Oliver has killed with that bow and arrow?”
I really don’t. Dozens?

comic reliefs
Comic Relief – “Barry can outrun arrows.”
Oh really? A man who can outrun bullets can outrun arrows?
Comic Relief 2 – “Oliver’s been doing this a lot longer, my money’s on experience.”
2 seasons longer?
Comic Relief – “My money’s on speed.”
My money’s on a tie because fan bases.
Dr. Smoking Hot – “Please tell me you’re not actually having this conversation right now.”
Yeah, they should let the fans handle that.

Oliver misses but still hits Barry with an exploding arrow. He then hits Barry with 2000 milligrams of horse tranquilizer, but somehow Barry just vibrates that out of his body in steam form…okay. I could have bought his high metabolism saving him here, but this just seems ridiculous. And I do realize I’m writing about people in masks.
Barry runs around Oliver at super speeds instead of fighting him or doing anything useful. Oliver grapple arrows away instead of shooting straight ahead and hitting Barry…I mean if he’s running around Oliver he can’t miss.

arrow calm down

Not sure how Barry let him escape in the first place, but the Arrow should probably be dead after falling off that building. Barry punches Oliver a thousand times and does no damage, maybe he should go to the gym a little bit if he continues to fight bare handed. Oliver has arrow launchers on his bike…how does he explain that to cops if he ever gets pulled over? Does he just bribe them? Oliver throws an arrow dagger on his stomach a couple of feet away from Barry and it pierces straight through his leg…either that’s the sharpest arrow in the world or Barry’s suit, much like his mask, DOES NOTHING. Barry’s super speed punch gets caught by a normal hand. This is the same guy who punched a man at sonic boom speeds and still couldn’t knock him out, this is the most realistic part of the fight.

Dr. Wheels – “He just needs to see the right colors.”
Ralph needs to see the right colors to return to normal, but everyone else didn’t because…they weren’t fast enough? You’re guess is as good as mine.
Comic Relief – “It was a tie”
No, Barry lost…again. If you combine Barry’s and Oliver’s masks you almost get one full mask.

smile for the camera buddy

They capture Red Eyes off-screen. They should have caught him 3 times before! Cisco looks at him right in the eyes but isn’t affected, it’s because he’s already evil!
I liked Rainbow Raider as a better nickname as well, but his normal name is pretty much a code name anyway.

Oliver – “Don’t tell my secret guys.”
They’re going to tell everyone.
Felicity – “What Oliver means to say is, I can’t wait to do this again soon.”
So Wednesday at 8 then?
Joe thanks the Arrow; in other news his baseball career is starting to look really promising.
Dr. Smoking Hot and Dr. Girl talk about Canary’s murder like I’m supposed to know who that is.
Dr. Wheels – “Mr. Queen, I met the other Mr. Queen once at a charity event.”
He doesn’t look much older than Oliver, how old is Wells?
“I think he’d be very proud of the man you’ve become.”
What a nice thing to say.
Oliver – “There’s something off about that guy…”
He just said something really nice to Oliver, but I guess he couldn’t throw Oliver off the scent of his evilness.

dont tell my secret even more so

Eddie – “Chief approved the task force after I told him a man in a red mask attacked me.”
Not sure why the chief would believe Eddie now, especially when all the CSI tests came back inconclusive. If Eddie just brought up the fry thievery he could have gotten approved a lot faster.
“I believe in him, I believe he’s dangerous, and I’m going to take him in. How do you feel about that?”
Iris – “All I know is how I feel about you.”
I actually believe that’s literally all she knows.

Oliver – “You can always talk to me.”
But only on other crossover episodes. So only on the next episode.
Ralph – “I have a lot to learn.”
Like dodging?
Green Olive – “There’s one more thing to learn, and you’re not going to like it.”
Barry – “Does it involve shooting me in the back?”
Oliver – “No, the heart.”
So corny…
“That’s not going to work out for you, let her go, for both of your sakes.”
Barry’s already managed to let go of Dr. Smoking Hot, I’m impressed already. Stop making Barry Spiderman, he’s more of a Ralph anyway.
“Guys like us don’t get the girl.”
Unemployed blog writers like me don’t get the girl; guys like them get the girl, but choose duty over love for stupid reasons.

no idea who she isI have no idea who this girl is and I don’t know what they’re talking about. Okay.

Iris finally stops writing her blog, at least she’s safe now. Less blog competition for me! Barry is upset though.

We don’t get a Dr. Wells ending scene, but we do get to see that Dr. Snow still misses her dead husband.
Thugs – “Look at that, better than an ATM.”
“You got the shakes man or are you just cold?”
These thugs seem pretty concerned for the health of the man they’re going to rob.
“I’m not cold.”
He lights himself on fire.
I’m still not sure why he was shaking earlier.
This must be the fire guy Iris mentioned a couple of episodes ago, cool. That’s 2 fire guy endings, I think they’re different people though.

fire man on fire


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