Game of Thrones Recap: High Sparrow

there are dozens of them, dozens!

Moat Cailin makes a cameo in the introduction animation, a surprise addition, we may never see it again. Meereen was shown even though there was no Dany plotline, no wonder I liked this episode so much. I’ve read the books, but I won’t spoil anything by bringing up anything new for show watchers, but I will make references to the book. There will be spoilers for this episode though, duh.

For a place littered with fireplaces I still can’t see a thing. There are a whole bunch of archaic stone carvings and statues of the creepier gods. It may just be too dark to see but, ironically, a Lord of Light statue would fit right in. An old man takes a sip of water from a cup Jaqen H’ghar provided him and dies shortly after…he choose, poorly.
Arya – “I’ve been sweeping this floor for days.”
I would have started questioning what I was doing a couple of hours into sweeping. Days?! She certainly has patience. With all the chimneys and the sweeping… is Arya Stark training to become a chimney sweep? Is Mary Poppins the head of the Faceless Men?
Jaqen H’ghar – “Here we serve the Many-Faced God.”
Is it ironic that the Faceless Men serve a god with many faces? Yes.
“There is only one god, a girl knows his name.”
Not today?
“And all men know his gift.”
Cue man dying
I’ll just take coal instead, thanks anyway Santa, but I politely decline the “gift” of death.

Joyous occasions is when Cersei misses Joffrey the most, she needs someone to scowl with.
Margaery has been married so many times she could star in the movie 27 Dresses, but be the bride instead of a bridesmaid. What kind of blog is this again? One that makes witty Katherine Heigl references, aw yeah.
marge mutton chops and tommen
Cut to heavy breathing
Tommen seems excited and I don’t blame him. It’s weird because he’s like 6 in the books though.
Tommen – “This is all I want to do. All day, every day, for the rest of my life.”
Me too buddy, but for now I’ll settle for watching Game of Thrones.
“Are you hungry?”
I know he’s a boy, but this is the most man line ever. He just had sex and now he wants food. I’m surprised he hasn’t fallen asleep yet.
“Does Queen Margery sound strange to you?”
She’s been calling herself that since her first marriage.
Tommen – “I’m the king, I married the most beautiful woman in the world, and it’s all because my brother died…and I don’t feel guilty.”
Cersei is officially the only person in the world upset about Joffrey’s death.
“Do you like to sail?”
Where did this question come from?!
Margaery – “I love to sail.”
Tommen – “I do too!”
OMG they’re so similar! They should get married!
Margaery attempts some post-coital manipulation, bold strategy Cotton, usually pre-coital manipulation is most effective. She wants Tommen to ship Cersei back to Casterly Rock.
that's the look of a son who needs his mom to go home
Tommen suggests mommy would be happier at Casterly Rock, I think he just wants to initiate plan bang Margaery 24/7 as soon as possible.
Cersei – “This is my real home. Where my family lives.”
Home is where the heart is, but only Tommen is in King’s Landing. Jaime and Myrcella are in Dorne or en route, and Tyrion was never considered family.
Margaery – “I said darling, certainly 4 times is enough. Are you trying to set a new record?”
“He said, well what is the record? I’m sure we can break it.”
I find myself liking Tommen more and more every episode. He’s dead for sure now.
“I wish we had wine for you, it’s a bit early in the day for us.”
It’s never too early for wine, shame on you Marge.
Cersei – “I just wanted to let you know…(I hate you bitch! Die!!!!) If there’s anything I can do for you I’m here…”
Margaery – “What’s the proper way to address you now? Queen Mother or Dowager Queen?”
Assistant to the regional manager or assistant regional manager?
Cersei – “Remember…Anything. You. Need.”
Margaery should rethink sending Cersei back to Casterly Rock, she’ll miss making Cersei this angry.

Winterfell looks to be in as good a shape as Theon right now. Remember the Boltons are the crazy family in the North that celebrate flaying a man on their sigil. They betrayed Robb and Ramsay is a bigger psycho than Joffrey.but me hungry...hunger
Roose – “I sent you there to collect taxes, not bodies.”
Ramsay – “Well I really like flaying people.”
Well if he really liked it I guess it’s okay. They left him no choice.
Roose – “Stop eating and listen.”
What are things he should be saying to his wife! Her nickname is Fat Walda…
“The best way to forge a lasting alliance isn’t by peeling a man’s skin off, but through marriage.”
But the best way to cook a delicious potato isn’t through marriage, but by peeling its skin off.

I think Sansa just now realizes where they’re heading…
Littlefinger – “You’ve been to Moat Cailin before?”
Sansa – “Yeah on my way down to King’s Landing with my father and Arya…”
But now they’re dead…she thinks Arya is dead anyway.
Sansa – “Roose Bolton murdered my brother! He betrayed my family!”
Brienne is starting to look really good right about now.
Littlefinger – “Oh don’t worry, you’re going to be marrying his son, Ramsay.”
Oh you thought you were marrying Hitler? No, you’ll be marrying Super Hitler. Much better.
Sansa – “No, you can’t make me, I will die before I have to.”
Would you do it for a Scooby Snack? A nice lemon flavored Scooby Snack?
When a dementor tries to eat your soul.
Littlefinger – “Say the word and we turn the horses around.”
Turn those horses right round, like a record baby.
“Stop being a bystander, stop running. Avenge them.”
Sansa confirmed for Avengers 6: How Much Money Can Marvel Milk Out of These Movies

Pod – “How do we get down there?”
How’d they’d get up there?
Brienne – “We don’t. I know where they’re going.”
I can’t believe she’s been in every episode so far…
Brienne – “How did you end up squiring for the Imp?”
Pod got drunk with the former knight he squired for, they stole a ham whilst drunk and got executed for it. So basically the same events that killed Robert Baratheon killed this knight. He had too much to drink, pork led to his death, but a Lannister really killed him. Pod got saved because house Payne are bannerman to house Lannister.
Brienne – “It was punishment for both of you.”
But it blossomed into an awesome friendship.
Pod – “You’re the best fighter I’ve ever seen.”
And that’s saying something, he saw Tyrion fight.
The show is making her out to be the best fighter though, she was introduced winning a melee in Renly’s camp, she beat a near full form Jaime Lannister, and she beat the Hound. The only blemish on her record is forfeiting to a bear, but if she had a real sword I’d bet she’d win.
backstory time, time for backstory
Brienne likes Pod now because he respects her…but I feel like she’s had this epiphany multiple times now and always forgets. She’ll start training Pod to become a knight even though she isn’t one herself.
During her birthday all the boys made a game out of dancing with the Brienne the “Beauty.” Laughter cuts deeper than swords for her. She’s self conscious and embarrassed of who she is, but incredibly loyal to people kind to her.
Brienne quoting Renly – “They’re nasty little shits, and nasty little shits aren’t worth crying over.”
True, but sometimes taking nasty shits leads to crying.
Brienne – “He danced with me and none of the other boys could say a word. He was the king’s brother after all.”
Stannis was probably brooding in the corner during this ball.
Pod – “But wasn’t he…lord Tyrion said he was…gayer than a rainbow guard. That Renly was so flaming the Lord of Light worshiped him.”
Brienne – “…Yes I knew he was gay, I’m not an idiot!”
Sometimes I wonder though.
Brienne – “He saved me from being a joke…but I couldn’t save him in return.”
This sentence pretty much sums up Brienne’s motivation. She’ll do anything to avenge the man who didn’t laugh at her.
“Stannis is a man, not a shadow. And a man can be killed.”
Let me quote the first Stark girl to escape Brienne’s help, “anyone can be killed.” Watch out Stannis, as sure as winter Brienne is coming.

why can't i whistle...Stannis – “I’d like to speak to you alone.”
Coming from a guy who brings Davos with him everywhere.
Jon – “Olly is my steward now…One day he might command.”
You’re like 20 Jon, that day is probably never coming. Unlike winter.
Jon Snow – “All my life I wanted to be Jon Stark.”
Stannis – “Say the word and you will be.”
He tries getting Jon with that quick sell, he fails.
Jon – “But I must refuse you. I’m lord commander of the Night’s Watch, my place is here.”
He made his vow in front of a tree, he can’t break his promise with a tree.
Stannis – “I’m giving you a chance to avenge your family. To rule the North.”
I like the contrast between Jon and Sansa this episode. They were both offered revenge, but Jon refuses out of duty and Sansa accepts…because she didn’t really have a choice.
Stannis – “You’re as stubborn as your father. And as honorable.”
Stannis would know all about stubbornness.
Jon – “I can imagine no higher praise.”
Stannis – “I didn’t mean it as praise. Honor got your father killed.”
Jon – (They keep setting me up to say thank you, then hit me with an insulting second comment!)
Jon – “…So how long are you planning on crashing at Castle Black?”
Stannis – “Are you bored of us already?”
Jon – “You saved us from the wildlings…but we don’t have enough food and winter is coming.”
Stannis – (You’re really gonna throw those words in my face? Not Jon Stark my ass.)
Stannis says his army will march on Winterfell within the fortnight, a lot of characters seem to be converging to Winterfell. The wildings are going to be left with Jon because…well Stannis tried getting them to join his army the first episode, I guess he’s given up. He’s less stubborn than I thought. Jon will probably try and work something out with Tormund, he does seem to have a way with red heads.
Stannis – “You have many enemies at Castle Black, have you considered sending Alliser Thorne elsewhere? Give him command of Eastwatch by the sea.”
That place isn’t manned like it is in the books…so 2 castles are currently manned out of 19.
Jon – “I heard it was best to keep your enemies close.”
Was your dad the one to tell you that?! Look what happened to him!
please be stannis friend, please
Davos – “He sees something in you, might not be apparent from his tone, but it’s the truth.”
I’m really not sure what they’ll do with Davos this season. The North plot line is all out of whack with Sansa and Brienne coming into the story. He’s a wildcard as well.
Jon – “I’ve sworn to stay clear of the politics of the 7 Kingdoms.”
Davos – “Have you now? Let’s here that vow one more time.”
Olly repeats the vow.
Davos – (Yeah…damn, thought there’d be a loophole in there.)
Davos – “As long as the Boltons rule the North, the North will suffer. Just one man’s opinion.”
More like everyone’s opinion.

Arya’s sleeping quarter is apparently a big chimney not in use…I’m just waiting for that umbrella carrying nanny to fly in anytime now. This girl talking to Arya is a priest at the House of Black and White. She’s referred to as the waif. I’m not sure why or what it means, but she’s more of an apprentice than a Faceless Man.
Waif – “Who are you who walks in here with a coin you never earned. Who’s value you do not respect. Who are you?”
Arya – “No one.”
Gets slapped
“Ow, cunt!”
That’s why she’s my favorite, reactions like these. She gets slapped a couple more times though.
Waif – “Who are you?”
Arya – “You’re about to find out!”
She grabs Needle, but Jaqen H’ghar interrupts their “game” of faces. Tyrion used to play that game all the time with Joffrey, good times. When you play a game of faces you get slapped, there is no middle ground. To truly become a Faceless Man, to truly become no one, Arya has to get rid of all of her possessions, she has to let go of her earthly tether and enter the void.

pretty town though

Arya wraps her clothes around a rock and throws it into the bay…pretty small bundle, Arya didn’t have much. She then throws the coin into the bay for the second time! I’d take the over on seeing that coin again, it’s just impossible to get rid of. When it comes time to throw away Needle, that’s a little tougher. Here’s Arya’s thought process in the books that I think is worth reading.

“It’s just a sword,” she said, aloud this time…but it wasn’t. Needle was Robb and Bran and Rickon, her mother and her father, even Sansa. Needle was Winterfell’s grey walls, and the laughter of its people. Needle was the warm earthy smell of the glass gardens, the sound of the north wind rattling the shutters of her room. Needle was Jon Snow’s smile. He used to mess my hair and call me “little sister,” she remembered, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes. Polliver had stolen the sword from her when the Mountain’s men took her captive, but when she and the Hound walked into the inn at the crossroads, there it was. The gods wanted me to have it. Not the Seven, nor Him of Many Faces, but her father’s gods, the old gods of the North. The Many-Faced God can have the rest, she thought, but he can’t have this.

She hides Needle in a haystack a couple of rocks. After throwing away her possessions, she’s allowed to go in the back room where she and the waif remove a dead man’s clothes and wash him. They hired an actor to play a dead corpse and get washed by girls…must have been an awkward casting call.

you killed my brother, now you must die

Roose Bolton – “Lady Sansa, welcome. “
Sansa – (You killed my brother and mother…now you must die!!!)
She curtsies.
The girl that looks angry off to the side was Myranda, she was Ramsay’s former girlfriend. She may be the only one in the world that likes Ramsay. Her and Cersei join a short list of women loving sociopaths.
Old Woman – “Welcome back Lady Stark.”
Sansa – “Thank yo-”
Old Woman – “The North remembers.”
Sansa – (There’s a lot of expectations on me to avenge the Starks…)
The people have been dying to tell a Stark this line.

Jon – “Brothers, as you know it’s past time we dig a new latrine pit.”
If they don’t poop off the top of the Wall, then that’s a wasted opportunity. That’s one of the few potentially fun things of being in the Night’s Watch.
Alliser – (I swear to the Old Gods you damn bastard if you make me do this…)
alliser and jonas getting lunch together
Jon – “Brian, seems like a good job for a ginger.”
Even in this world, ginger’s get shit on…and apparently help people shit.
“Ser Alliser…”
Alliser – (Fuck you bastard! You have stupid hair!)
Jon – “I name you first ranger.”
Alliser – (…always liked that cunt.)
Now this exchange between Janos Slynt refusing to follow Jon’s order is basically verbatim in the books and Alliser letting Edd pass him is more satisfying on screen because Jon rewarded him earlier. The actor that plays Alliser Thorne didn’t say a word the entire scene, but his facial expressions were my favorite part. If there’s one caveat book readers may have is the absence of the quote, “Edd, fetch me my block.” In the books Jon goes outside to hang Slynt, only to realize halfway through that he should behead him, in true Stark fashion. Ned, Robb, and Jon have now all beheaded people. Theon did too, but failed miserably. This is thought from Sansa in the 2nd book that makes the beheading scene more satisfying.

 Sansa stared hard at his ugly face (Janos Slynt’s), remembering how he had thrown down her father for Ser Ilyn to behead; wishing she could hurt him, wishing that some hero would throw him down and cut off his head.

stannis nod of approval

Jon is that hero! He avenged their family! In the books Slynt’s death was one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever read, but on screen the actor playing Slynt made me feel sympathy for him.
Janos – whimpers “I’m afraid…I’ve always been afraid.” whimpers
…this was an added line, and I like this dimension. Slynt may be an asshole, but he’s human.
I can’t believe they included the Stannis nod, that’s the directors throwing a bone to the readers if I ever saw one. They must feel a little guilty after changing Sansa’s entire plot line.

Littlefinger certainly goes out all out for his costumers. They seem to be playing out a sexy version of musical chairs, where the players are prostitutes and the High Septon is the chair.
Only Gay Prostitute in Westeros – “Which of the 7 will you worship today?”
High Septon – “The maiden.”
High Septon – (This is all I want to do. All day, every day, for the rest of my life.)
Only Gay Prostitute in Westeros – “Always the maiden…”
So this guy wastes all this money and time on foreplay to choose the prostitute that’s not even dressed up! Her foreplay as the maiden is her birthday suit. So after rewatching this scene too many times. Here are the 7.
sexy musical chairs
The Father: Played by the only gay prostitute in Westeros. He has a beard and scales.
Then from bottom left and clockwise.
The Warrior: Has a fur coat on her back and a helmet. Warrior boots too I think.
The Crone: Holds a lantern. Her tits are exposed of course.
The Stranger: Her hair covers her face completely. She sort of creeps me out.
The Maiden: She’s just naked. Lame.
The Mother: Dressed up in blue silks and looks pregnant.
The Smith: Is wearing black…she’s the least interesting, after the maiden of course.

Lancel ruins the party and brings new meaning to the term walk of shame. They took off the only gay prostitute’s beard before slapping him. That was a satisfying game of faces.
Lancel – “You are a sinner, and you shall be punished.”
I guess old man butt is a fair trade after seeing 6 pairs of boobs.
High Septon – (I don’t want to do this. Any day, every day, for the rest of my life.)

go away mutton chop mcghee

The High Septon goes to complain about his treatment to the small council. I feel like this is a valid complaint, but Cersei is annoyed.
Qyburn – “I heard you were at Littlefinger’s brothel.”
Master of Whisperers doing his job.
Mace – “But why would a man of God need to go to a brothel?”
Oh Mace, you innocent man baby.
Pycelle – “A man’s private affairs aught to stay private.”
Okay Pycelle. We all know you frequently visit the brothels, calm down.
Cersei – “What do you want High Septon?”
Mutton Chops High Septon – “An assault on my person is an assault on our very religion. Justice, arrest these criminals and execute the High Sparrow.”
Hey, this that’s the name of the episode!

Cersei – “Where can I find the High Sparrow?”
Random Sparrow – Points up
Why am I not surprised? Watch the High Sparrow be an actual bird.
The High Sparrow is serving soup of brown to the homeless. What a swell guy. He doesn’t wear shoes because he gave them away…or so he says. This is the lawyer from Jurassic Park right? Superb casting. He hands out enough bread for a whole bunch of people, but he only had one loaf. Miracle! Why do some people deserve bread while some don’t?! Everyone looks hungry here.
damn, this bitch is crayHigh Sparrow -“I assumed you only came here to arrest me.”
She didn’t like the mutton chops on the previous High Septon, so she gives the High Sparrow the position. In the books the High Septon is chosen by other Septons like the Pope, she doesn’t have this authority.
Cersei – “The faith and the crown are the two pillars that hold up this world. One collapses, so does the other.”
Maybe they’ll explain to us why she gave the High Sparrow power next episode, but this isn’t a man you can buy with favors or bread. She’s playing with fire here.

Qyburn – (Oh don’t mind me, just killing a rat for science.)
Cersei – “Send this message to wherever Littlefinger’s slithering about…How’s your work going?”
Qyburn – “Very well.”
Cersei – (This place is creepy and that’s enough small talk. I need to get the 7 hells out of here.)
“Okay, bye.”
Frankstein’s Qyburn’s monster is ALIVE! Or at least moving.

Theon sees Sansa and does the same thing I do when I recognize someone from my high school and I don’t want to talk to them. Winterfell is under construction, and if the show wants to keep any realism with real world construction speed, it’ll always be under construction.
Littlefinger – “I’ve become quite fond of Lady Sansa during our travels together.”
He’s been crushing on Sansa since day one at King’s Landing.
Ramsay – “I’ll never hurt her, you have my word.”
Both their words have less value than nipples on a breastplate.
Littlefinger – “I know very little about you.”
Because Ramsay kills everyone that talks negatively about him! He has to be lying though? There’s no way Littlefinger doesn’t know something about this psychopath.
break bannister, break!
Okay bannister if you can just break with all three of those guys up there I’d be so happy.
Littlefinger – “I assure you she’s still a virgin. Inspect her if you must.”
He sure sounds like someone who’s grown quite attached to Sansa. Or a pedophile selling his mint condition sex doll.
That letter from Cersei should have taken at least 1 episode to be delivered, but it only took 1 cut scene. It arriving by rider just makes it less believable. Why not a raven?
Roose – “Why gamble with your position?”
I don’t know what he’s doing either.
Littlefinger – “You gambled when you drove a dagger into Robb Stark’s heart. It appears your gamble paid off.”
Benoiff and Weiss went over why they changed Sansa’s story line here, I guess it makes sense, but this is a huge deviation from the story. Differencing themselves from the book could be a good thing by the end of the show, but it’s a gamble. I’ll withhold judgement until things become more clear, but this gamble could drive a dagger in book reader’s hearts…
“The last time the lords of the Eyrie formed an alliance with the lords of the North they brought down the greatest dynasty the world has ever known.”
I mean they also teamed up with the Stormlands and Riverlands…
“I’d like to borrow one of your birds, Cersei will expect a reply.”
What about the rider that delivered the message? Does he get a day off after such a long ride?
Roose – “I will like to read the reply.”
He’s like the crazy girlfriend that goes through your texts. “Well if you love me, then let me do this!” I’m not really sure how Sansa will get her revenge and keep her head…Roose seems too cautious.

volantis is pretty

Tyrion – “I can’t remember the last face I saw that wasn’t yours.”
Varys – “Perfectly good face.”
He’s a Faceless man! He’s Mary Poppins!
Tyrion – “I have to get out of this wheelhouse.”
He says this 5 more times.
Varys – “I’m not sure how many ways I can say this, you’re going to get kidnapped if you leave.”
The foreshadowing, subtle.
Tyrion – “I’m losing my mind!”
Varys – “If anyone recognizes you, you’ll lose more than that.”
Varys – (I found another way to say it! Good job me!)
Tyrion puts on his hood, OMG I can’t recognize him.
The slaves are marked on their cheeks with tattoos. Hammer for builders, tears for prostitutes, and flies for dung shovelers. That’s all the possibilities. I feel bad for the dung shovelers, they already had to deal with enough shit. Brian the ginger should get this tattoo as well.
I think this priestess is the first Asian person to appear in the show and she’s crazy. Varys should consider keeping Tyrion on a leash, it’s almost like he wants to get captured. Tyrion, “YOLO! I want to see all of Volantis!”

asian girl is high on life right now
Thoros of Myr was with the Brotherhood without Banners and was the guy to bring Beric Dondarrian back to life multiple times. They sold Gendry to Mel back in Season 3 and we haven’t heard from any of them since Arya was snatched by the Hound. Tyrion mentioned Stonemen, they’re men with untreated greyscale, so they’re crazy like Gilly’s sisters who had Greyscale and are basically zombies. That’s a Stoneman’s Grey’s Atanomy…
Either Tyrion can see the subtitles or he understands Valyrian. Either way, impressive.
Tyrion – “Come on, let’s find a brothel.”
Varys – (You’re becoming more like Littlefinger and I never liked him.)
Bouncer – “It’s good luck to rub a dwarf’s head.”
Tyrion – “It’s even better luck to suck a dwarfs cock.”
Because that worked so well for Shae…too soon?

Jorah’s sulking in the corner.I’ll put the over under the amount of times Jorah slept with this prostitute at Khal-e-3! I wish they used Emilia Clarke’s now infamous body double for this whore, I think this is the closest we’re going to get to seeing Daenery’s naked.
Tyrion chats up a prostitute.
“Now I can’t tell you who I am, but I always pay my debts, here me roar, and don’t call me Imp.”
Real subtle.
“If I could fuck any one here, I would pick you.”
I tried this same line at a bar once, I wouldn’t recommend it.
This may be the first time a prostitute in this show hasn’t shown us her boobs or ass. Tyrion’s too depressed to have sex with her.
“What will I do in my spare time?”
He could always stare at Varys’ face again. Or he could read my blog.
Peeing out the window while drunk doesn’t seem like the best idea, but he did pee off the top of the Wall so he does have experience.
He gets kidnapped! Who would have guessed it?!
Jorah – “I’m taking you to the queen.”
But which queen? Maybe the “queen” prostitute for a kinky threesome. Please Jorah.

jorah and tyrion in a kinky 3some

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