Game of Thrones Recap: Kill the Boy

When the episode is called “Kill the Boy,” well, this could have been a much darker episode than it actually was. I’ve read the books, but I won’t spoil anything by bringing up new material for show watchers, but I will make references to the book. There will be spoilers for this episode though, duh.
fire chandileires...i can't spell

Missandei watches over Grey Worm’s body, he’s probably still alive. I’m not sure how they lit those fire chandeliers, slaves?, but it looks cool. It looks like Barristan is taking a nap on a peculiar stone bed, Barristan the Old needs to rest up so he can wake up at the crack of dawn… I mean if he’s still alive in the books and there are no stone googly eyes on him then there’s no way he’s actually dead. No way! Daenerys isn’t even wearing black to his funeral… or the traditional Meereenese topless dress of mourning. Dany please!
Hizdahr – “Is this a bad time? I don’t think this would have happened if the fighting pits were open…just saying.”
I’ve written 14 of these now and I still have to look up the correct spelling for his name every time.
Daenerys – “Barristan the bold they called him… he died in an alley, butchered by cowards.”
Killing off such a important character this early…bold strategy Benioff and Weiss. I expect a certain grizzly bear will take over Barristan’s responsibilities down the road or the show will just go in a different direction entirely with the Meereen plotline.
Daario – “Let’s pull everyone back to the pyramid, then clean the city out.”
Whoa there buddy, maybe you should pull back. He wants to slaughter everyone in the city. Harsh.
Daenerys – “I’d rather round up all the leaders of the great families.”
Hizdahr – “… But I’m the leader of my family…I’m sorry for requesting to reopen the pits earlier!”
What happened with this guy? Wasn’t he on her small council? Now it’s just Daario?

There only seems to be about eight great family heads…I’m guessing there were more a year ago, but Dany killed them off. At this rate, Meereenese nobility is closer to extinction than the Giant Panda. Or dragons, a more Westerosi relevant example. Dany takes them to perhaps the most terrifying petting zoo in the world, her dragon basement. You’d think Dany wouldn’t want her dragons getting accustomed to the taste of human flesh seeing as that’s why they’re in time out right now. I would also think that half a man each wouldn’t be enough food for both dragons. I wonder which half of the human body tastes better…human breast or human legs?
Daenerys – “Who is innocent? Maybe all of you.”
Remember when she beheaded that former slave for murdering a guy without a fair trial? And now she does something like this…
maybe take a few steps back...something
I think they’re a little too close to those dragons… This scene must have blown through their entire CGI budget for the season.

Sam – “She refuses to leave until the former slaves are secure in Meereen.”
Who’s writing to the Night’s Watch? I honestly can’t think of anyone who would send this letter.
Aemon – “Her last relation, thousands of miles away.”
We all want her to come to Westeros too Aemon Targaryen.
Jon – “How you feeling? “
Aemon – “Like a 100 year old man.”
So 50 years younger!
Jon – “I need your advice…half the men will hate me the moment I make this order.”
Aemon – “Half the men hate you already.”
And someone pranked the lord commander with a funny note written inBraille, they still haven’t figured out who could have possibly done it.
Aemon – “Do it!
So when Jon issues this order 100% of the men will hate him then?
what? what did you say? you're selling chowklates? Jon – “But I didn’t tell you what the order is…”
Who cares, do it you big pussy!
Aemon – “You’ll find little joy in your command, but with luck, you’ll find the strength to do what needs to be done. Kill the boy Jon Snow…Kill the boy, and let the man be born.”
I love this line, Aemon, and the actor. Superbly done. Thankfully they’re talking about figuratively killing the boy, but Olly overheard and misunderstood so he’s freaking out right now.

Jon wants to make a peace with the wildlings and tries to convince Tormund to help him delegate with the other wildlings. The scene sort of portrays Jon’s motivations as liking the wildlings instead of wanting their help to defeat the undead White Walker army. I feel like they aren’t emphasizing the threat of the white walkers enough, but it has been a while since we saw them do anything. Jon removes Tormund’s handcuffs as a sign of good faith.
Tormund – “Most of them are on Hardhome.”
How could he possibly know this?…
Jon will “borrow” Stannis’ fleet and together they will go to Hardhome to save other wildlings…Stannis is very generous to a Night’s Watch that hasn’t really done shit for him. The show is diverging from the books hard with the entire North plot. Jon never goes with Tormund to Hardhome. Neither of them go to Hardhome.

Jon tells the other members of the Night’s Watch his plan; it feels like 99% of them hate it. Compared to the Faith Militant, the wildlings look down right adorable. Team up!
Jon – “Men, women, and children will die by the thousands if we don’t help.”
Yarwyck – “Let them die! Less enemies for us!”
Stannis – “Fewer…”
I audibly laughed out loud at his comment. Stannis has no tolerance for bad grammar.
Davos – “What?”
Stannis – “Nothing…”
This happens to me all the time.

fewer...less
Sam – “Yes, wildlings have slaughtered villages all around the wall…but on the bright side, now there are now a bunch of empty villages in need of people.”
Not the best argument Sam, where’s that Jon nomination speech magic?
Edd – “They killed Grenn and Pyp… now my only friends are Sam and a little kid…”
Poor Edd, he’ll probably outlive everyone.
Why isn’t the army of snow zombies and White Walkers being stressed more? Most of these brothers have actually seen them too!

Jon – “Olly, what do you think about all this?”
Olly – “I’m starting to really regret voting for you now.”
Jon – “I know what it’s like to lose the people you love…”
Don’t listen to him Olly, he knows nothing! And he didn’t want to ask for help from the Bolton’s earlier, talk about being hypocritical.
If I were Jon I’d start getting my own food, because Olly is probably going to start spitting in it.

Pod and Brienne stay at an inn with a beautiful view of Winterfell, the view cost them extra.
Pod – “She’s far away from the Lannisters at least.”
The Boltons are worse than the Lannisters. Sansa was treated like a princess compared to what Theon had to go through.
Brienne – “Hey random old man, Sansa Stark is alive. Help me save her.”
Old Man – “I do hate the Boltons…”
Brienne – “The North remembers right? Well now it’s time to start getting revenge too.”
Sansa rescue part 2 is underway, but I’m not sure if dumbass Sansa will want her help.

Myranda – “You said you’d marry me!”
Don’t worry, they can still have sex and torture people. That’s true love!
“Do you think she’s pretty?”
Ramsay – “Of course I do, I’m not blind.”
Even Aemon Targaryen thinks she’s hot! He may be a psychopath, but at least he’s funny at times.
We’ve seen 3 man butts this season…
I wouldn’t want to piss off Ramsay, people that bore him get flayed, not laid. I’m also not ready to watch this 50 Shades of Thrones, too kinky for me.

love hurts...love scars, love burns, love marrs

Old Lady – “Need more water?”
Sansa – “Oh, I don’t…”
Old Lady – “The North Remembers!”
Sansa – “…”
This woman really wants to help Sansa out. I don’t think Sansa has a plan though.
Old Lady – “You still have friends in the North, light a candle in the broken tower for help. Two candles for help by sea.”
The broken tower is where this show started.

Sansa is really tall.
Myranda – “I like your dress.”
(That is the ugliest effing dress I’ve ever seen.)
Sansa made the dress herself and it’s her only dress, she’s been wearing it all season.
Myranda – “Now every time you wear something you made, you can remember her.”
Sansa – “I’d rather have a mother.”
Yeah, but the dress is almost as good. Almost.
Myranda wants Sansa to go down a dark spooky tunnel with dogs barking loudly in it…and Sansa listens. The kennel’s daughter is outsmarting her, Sansa is overmatched already! Littlefinger taught her nothing!
Sansa sees Theon sleeping on the floor in the dog pen.
Sansa – (Wait a second; you’re not a dog!)
“…you look…well.”
Theon feels how I feel when I see someone from high school and I don’t look my best…if I had known I would had showered!

Ramsay – “You smell particularly ripe this evening.”
One could even say he…reeks.
Reek – “Sansa saw me. I’m sorry.”
He should be sorry. That was clearly all his fault.
Ramsay – “You mustn’t keep secrets from me…get on your knees.”
I thought we were going to see some really demented shit here for a second.
“I forgive you.”
Even at this point, I still expected some demented shit from Ramsay.

father and son dinner times

Ramsay makes a toast to their wedding, but Sansa doesn’t drink to it. She’s so disrespectful.
Fat Walda – “It must be difficult for you, being in a strange place.”
She may be the only Frey I like, she’s adorable.
Sansa – “This isn’t a strange place, this is my home. It’s the people who are strange.”
She’s certainly not a bystander to tragedy anymore! Get your revenge through those burns girl!
Ramsay – “You’re right…very strange.”
(Let’s make it more awkward!)
He commands the hunchback of Winterfell Reek to apologize to Sansa. Meanwhile Roose is sitting across the table from her twiddling his thumbs.
Ramsay – “The North remembers, don’t worry, I punished him for you.”
It’s weird hearing him say the North remembers…
Reek – “I’m sorry for murdering your brothers…”
Ramsay – “With him having murdered your brothers, and the rest of your family…uh, somehow dying. Reek is the closest thing you have to living kin.”
Except Jon Snow of course. Theon will give Sansa away at their wedding…hopefully after he bathes, he hasn’t bathed in a while because the old lady that brings around hot water hasn’t stopped by since Sansa arrived.

The war maps and big figurine chess pieces never seemed too helpful to me.
war map bolton vs stannis
Ramsay – “How can you be sure she’s pregnant, when she’s so…I mean how can you even tell?”
FAT.
“How did you even manage it?”
Hey buddy, she had no control in being born a Frey. They need loving too.
Roose – “I imagine your familiar with the procedure.”
Flaying? Yeah he is.
Ramsay – “I’m your son…until a better alternative comes along.”
If only real children worked like that as well.
Roose – “You never asked me how I met your mother.”
We don’t have time for 9 seasons for this Mosby!
“She was pretty in a common sort of way. I hanged her husband and I took her beneath the tree he was swaying. A year later she came to my gates with a baby, I nearly had her whipped. But I saw then what I see now. You are my son.”
Pretty stark contrast with Stannis’ heartwarming story to Shireen. I think we found a less loving parent than Stannis guys. Judging from the story it feels like Ramsay was destined to be evil. In the books Roose has one more great line, but I have hope the show will use it eventually.
Roose – “We have to beat Stannis together, my son.”
Really hope they lose, but having Stannis win feels too easy and doesn’t feel like the Game of Thrones way.

Fat Walda apparently gave birth after one scene change, Sam is her spitting image.
Gilly – “Is this every book in the world?”
Someone’s eager to get a jump-start on their reading homework! Shireen is a good teacher.
Sam – “No…(what are you like 10?)”
“They say the Citadel has the largest library in the world. That’s in Oldtown.”
Oldtown is ironically named because it’s actually a city. And Newtown was already taken.
gilly confusedGilly – “I’m sorry I don’t know things.”
With all the show changes I’m starting to agree with Gilly.
Sam – “You can do so many things I can’t do! Like, uh, give birth, breastfeed, and pee standing up.”
What was that last one again Sam?
“I wanted to be a Maester when I was young.”
I thought he wanted to be a wizard! Don’t give up on your dream Sam Potter!
Stannis enters…and Gilly scampers out of the room faster than the Flash & Quicksilver combined.
Stannis – “I know your father Randyll Tarly. Fine solider your father was…any chance you can convince him to fight for me?”
Sam would have to be a real wizard to pull that off.
Sam – “I killed a white walker with a dagger made of dragon glass.”
This seems like important information, maybe spread the word Samwell.
Stannis – “Dragon glass…”
Sam – “The maesters call it obsidian.”
Stannis – “I know what it is.”
Sam – (Jon warned me about this! Stannis is so good at making people look like fools!)
They talk about White Walkers and the zombie army marching on the Wall, and then Stannis leaves…good talk. Productive.

Stannis – “It’s time.”
To du du du du duel.
“We have to march now. This could turn to winter at any moment.”
It’s snowing in the background…not a good sign. What do the Starks say when winter is here? Just Winter.
They march out of Castle Black with Shireen, Selyse, Melisandre, and Davos…none of these characters march with Stannis to Winterfell in the books so I have no idea what to expect. This is pretty much an altered timeline for book readers and if I were Stannis I’d watch out for the Killer Bees, the Boltons and Brienne, both groups want him dead.
Davos – “Why not have Shireen and Selyse stay here?”
Clearly he read the books.
Stannis – “Half these brothers are killers and rapers.”
And ninth-born sons, they’re the worst.

mels coat

I thought Mel said the cold never bothered her, but she’s wearing a heavy coat here!
Shireen – “Is there going to be a battle?”
Where does she think they’re going right now? Does no one tell her anything?
Selyse – “That’s enough talk of battle ser Davos…don’t want to scare the child.”
What a caring mother…her and Ramsay have been oddly affectionate this episode. Is this the opposite world special episode?
Shireen – “I’m not scared.”
Davos – “Well I am, when the battle comes, promise you’ll protect me.”
These two are so cute. Please win don’t harm either of these two.

Stannis – “I hope you know what you’re doing with the wildlings.”
Is it weird that Stannis trusts his fleet to the Watch, but not his family’s safety…yes.
I’m really disappointed Jon didn’t give Stannis any advice on his trip down to Winterfell, that was one of my favorite parts in the books. I can understand them taking out the northern mountain clans, this is how Stannis gets extra men to help his army in the books, but Jon also recommended Stannis take Deepwood Motte before heading to Winterfell. I would have been happy with any advice or tips.
Jon – “Have a safe journey your grace…and thank you.”
Why am I seeing major death flags around Stannis now? At least he didn’t mention talking about his mother the next time they meet.
They’re riding off into what seems to be a snowstorm…not off to a good start.

early missandei gets the worm

Grey Worm wakes up after being out for three days, Missandei has been by his side all this time. I guess it’s true what they say, the early bird gets the worm…
Grey Worm – “Ser Barristan?”
He must really be out of it, that’s Missandei sitting next to you bud.
He’s upset about Barristan’s death and upset that the Unsullied lost to a bunch of amateurs, but I’m upset that they keep switching between languages, choose one guys!
“I was afraid…I was afraid that I would never see Missandei again.”
But the Unsullied don’t feel emotions! He’s learning how to feel! He deserves a kiss for that line.
Missandei – (You still have lips right? Get over here.)
He got to first base! But he can never round all the bases.

Daenerys – “Barristan counseled mercy, and now he’s dead…”
Did she feed his body to the dragons? If I died that’s 100% what I’d want my body to be used for.
“What do you think I should do Missandei?”
Because she’s basically all that’s left on the small council. Dany’s small council is smaller than Cersei’s small council, and Cersei’s actively trying to get rid of the others.
Missandei – “My advice is that you’ll find a better way. A way only you can see.”
What lame advice, just wake Barristan up from his nap and ask him!

hiz is like really?Hizdahr – “Please my queen, spare me.”
Daenerys – “What about valar morghulis?”
Hizdahr – “I did not want to die a coward…or at all.”
He just wanted to sound cool. I thought he was cool.
Daenerys – “I came here to tell you I was wrong and you were right. I’m sorry about letting my dragons eat that guy, and sorry for almost making them eat you too.”
A lot of awkward apologies this episode.
“I will reopen the fighting pits too…”
And you’re the first to fight Hizdahr!…That’s what she should have said.
“I will marry a leader of an ancient family; thankfully a suitor is already on his knees.”
This marriage seems to come out of nowhere… Hizdahr went from begging for his life to marrying her, and he didn’t even do anything. Why can’t shit like this happen to me? I want to be proposed to by hot dragon queens…I would 100% accept her apology if it meant I could bang her too.
In the books Hizdahr proposes a marriage to her as a way to appease the Sons of the Harpy and show the city that she has accepted Meereen as her home. Here she has all the power and marries him because…she wants to follow the books? I bet Daario will be jealous.

Tyrion – “Where are we now? Not the Rhoyne.”
A nod to book readers, the show is changing a lot of things and getting rid of a bunch of plot lines.
“Long sullen silences and the occasional punch in the face…the Mormont way.”
I loved this line so much and tried writing a few for other characters.
Always drinking wine and quick with sarcasm…the Lannister way.
Knowing nothing and banging red heads…the Jon Snow way.
Fewer…the Stannis way!
Tyrion asks Jorah for wine again, but second time’s not the charm here.
ty and jorah on a boat
They’re going through Valyria…that’s the ancient civilization that was one of the strongest empires in the known world. A time where every lord had dragons and every knight had a valyrian steel sword. The Targaryens were a minor house there, but were smart enough to move away before the Doom happened. The Doom is basically what would happen to the USA if the volcano under Yellow Stone National Park went off. Tyrion aptly describes what happened, “for thousands of years they were the best at almost everything…and then they weren’t.”
Drogon seems to be flying pretty far out of his way for lunch. I didn’t notice the stonemen on my first viewing, but they were really obvious on the second viewing. The first stoneman jumps straight into the river…he can’t swim, he’s dead. The other stonemen don’t miss, however. I bet Jorah doesn’t seem so clever coming this way now.
Jorah – “Don’t let them touch you.”
The stonemen are lava?
Tyrion – “Mormont, cut me free!”
As much as I love Tyrion, I don’t think he could have helped out even freed.
Tyrion jumps in the water and a stoneman, the first guy who jumped in? How is he still alive?, pulls him deeper into river and the show cuts to black.
Jorah must have swum pretty far to get to this beach paradise and away from danger. When did he find time to perform CPR on Tyrion?
Jorah – “Did any of them touch you?”
They did grab his boots, but that doesn’t count.
This seems like a far place to send people afflicted with greyscale when they’re dangerously contagious and insane. Just kill them.
Tyrion – “Thanks for saving me, but after drinking half the river a goblet of wine would be nice.”
Jorah got touched by a stoneman and contracted greyscale. He’s merging with book only character Jon Connington…weird that the show is cutting out the whole Young Griff storyline, I thought that was important…
Some boiled wine on the greyscale should do the trick, you’ll be fine Jorah.
beach paradize jorah

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