Heroes Reborn: Should’ve Remained Dead

heroes reborn...put it up for adoption
Heroes was a great show once and even launched a few careers, like Zachary Quinto as Spock in the new Star Trek movies and Hayden Panettiere becoming more than just the little girl in Remember the Titans. Not so long ago Heroes and Lost, a fantastic show overall but its legacy muddied by its disappointing finale, ruled the Sci-Fi thriller market and had a huge audience. The first season of Heroes was great and debuted during a time when superhero blockbusters weren’t rolling out every few weeks, it was surprisingly unique then. Unfortunately the Writers’ Strike threw the show’s trajectory off the rails and it never recovered its momentum, the hole the show wrote itself into only got worse with each passing season.

I still hold fond memories of Heroes for what it was originally, so when I learned about Heroes Reborn coming out, it sparked my interest. However, the double helping of “Brave New World” and “Odessa” showed me nothing to keep me invested and my interest in the reborn show has waned. Creator Tim Kring returns, but it’s as if he never adapted to the changing media environment and expected a show that may have done well 10 years ago to be received as warmly today. Maybe nostalgia lifted my opinion of Heroes higher than it should be, maybe the show was never good. Maybe my perception of the superhero genre has become saturated with all the content currently out there; I’m unsure, but I can say for certain that Heroes Reborn isn’t a good TV show.

The first two episodes don’t quite explain enough for new viewers and doesn’t quite feel reminiscent enough to satisfy old viewers, and is stuck in this awkward middle ground satisfying few. This reminds me a lot of the third season of Heroes, where people with powers were hunted down by the government. It’s basically X-Men, where society hates “Evos” aka mutants, but with less bald paraplegic professors and more bland characters with lame abilities. There are no power origin stories, thankfully, but there are also no characters I really like. Even Noah Bennet, a popular character brought back from the original series, has lost his charm for me.

meet the lamoes

High School Angst: Teleport Teen
A kid with dumbo sized ears goes through a typical high school storyline that, and I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here, has a crush on the school bully’s girlfriend. I don’t care if this nerdy kid eventually gets the girl, spoiler alert, they always do! But can we sprint through this tired old dance and get to something interesting with this storyline? Teleport Teen doesn’t fully understand his powers, but after two days with his crush he’s able to put it all together. There’s a suspicious business man trailing Teleport Teen and he seems to have a memory erasing ability. The “penny for your thoughts?” line he mutters to his victims is cute, but does he really have to carry a suitcase full to the brim with pennies around with him everywhere he goes? Are the pennies necessary or even related to his ability or does he only carry them around because he gets a boner when saying this line? Wouldn’t like 10 pennies, which would easily fit in his pocket instead of this suitcase, be enough to carry around with him at one time?! How many people’s memories is he restoring back to factory settings that he needs to carry thousands of pennies around with him?! It’s an interesting enough concept and a unique enough trait to make this side character somewhat interesting and I can see the thought process behind it, but come on.

Husband and Wife: Evo Killers
The husband and wife duo on a murderous rampage against all Evos after their son’s death at the mysterious terrorist attack seem a bit extreme to me. Why are they blaming Evos for their son’s death again? It wasn’t explained, but it can be reasonably assumed that their son was an Evo because neither of them are Evos, most likely, and they attended an Evo gathering event. Why else would they be there? After their son dies these two make it their mission to wipe out all Evos because…they believe an Evo killed their son? Okay… Even the guy taking the blame, Mohinder Suresh, isn’t an Evo, so where are they getting these conclusions from?! Honestly I don’t even care, their motivations are ridiculous. The duo massacres a room full of Evos because people with freaking superpowers are powerless in front of two people with guns, albeit they seem to have unlimited ammo.  A person with super speed and person with invisibility somehow can’t escape from these two. Later in the episode they come out of a secret facility, which didn’t notice two people trapped in their room for hours, and kill everyone. They went from murdering Evos to just straight up murdering people. There’s also zero chemistry between these two actors, I didn’t notice they were husband and wife at first.

Jack-Coleman-Heroes-Reborn1Horn Rimmed Glasses: Noah Bennet
A stable mainstay in the original show and adoptive father to Claire Bennet aka Hayden Panettiere. In this show he seems to have lost his memory, I don’t blame him, I’d try to forget the past couple seasons of Heroes too. Somehow he thinks that his super powered daughter, who’s character trait had her repeatedly mortally wound herself and afterwards regenerate her wounds every time, is dead. I would understand if Hayden didn’t want to return to the show, so who knows if she’ll make a cameo appearance. I’m not the biggest fan of forgotten memory plot lines either and so far his storyline has only strengthened my belief. After following some leads Noah reunites with the Haitian, his former partner whose abilities revolve around manipulating memories, but their reunion turns ugly when the Haitian tries to kill him. No not with a gun or anything practical, but by choking him with a cord. A shocked Noah retaliates and eventually overpowers the Haitian, killing him with a gun that the Haitian should have used earlier, but in a twist of fate it turns out that Noah had told the Haitian to kill him in the past, he just forgot about it. What a twist! He teams up with an eccentric ginger beard conspiracy theorist, who’s given the show some energy at least, and they form an alliance to discover the mysteries that occurred the day of the bombing and regain Noah’s memories…even though he made himself forget what happened that day. Noah’s character used to revolve around his love for his daughter clashing with his commit to his job and beliefs, now it’s just…remembering things. This memory storyline is like trying to remember who did it in an old rerun of Scooby Doo, it doesn’t matter in the end, the person would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling kids. I can’t see the conclusion to this memory quest being rewarding or interesting by season’s end. Also for some reason Husband and Wife don’t kill eccentric ginger beard when stealing his car and after slaughtering a whole bunch of mysterious people because…they had to draw the morality line somewhere.

Mexican Wrestler Vigilante: El Boring
Was there any need to introduce this character banging some hot teacher in a closet and forgetting her name after? What was the purpose of this scene? To tell the audience he’s kind of a douchebag? Because that’s all I got from it. Why should I care about this character?! I don’t care that he doesn’t think he’s a hero because the show has given me no reasons to think he is a hero. He hangs out with…his son? His much younger brother? By my count there were 4 males in this family introduced and so far 3 of them have superpowers, odds are high this character got let go from the army for having superpowers and they covered it up with the whole hero nonsense. Also, where are all the females in this family? Did these dudes just sprout out of the ground like dwarves? Apparently his similarly aged brother was the mysterious Luchador Vigilante that was helping people and Evos, but his sudden death leaves our main character with a chance for redemption by inheriting this role. Now we can have a character like the Arrow except minus the archery and more wrestling moves, which doesn’t sound bad on paper, but will be bad because nothing about this story looks promising. His father, who’s also an actual father, like religiously, helped run an underground railroad from LA to Canada for persecuted Evos…I’m no geologist, but I’m pretty sure a geographer could tell me that Canada and LA aren’t close to each other. Why not send these guys to Mexico? This family is Mexican, Mexico is much closer, why are they sending these people to Canada?! Is Canada a haven for Evos while Mexico is even worse than the US somehow?

Screen shot 2015-09-30 at 10.50.33 AMVideo Game Girl: Sort of Racist
A Japanese girl has the ability? to go into a video game. Not video games, just one video game. In this virtual world she duels evil samurai in order to rescue her father…I have more respect for the writers at Dora the Explorer than the whoever thought this was a good idea. The animation is amateur and borderline unwatchable, Kill Bill would be ashamed with how lame killing people with swords is presented here. Heck, so would the animators working on Dora the Explorer. I’m sure there’ll be some connection to the overall storyline later, but in an overall mess of a storyline  this is the weakest one. I can see them connecting Katana Girl’s, that’s her actual name in the show and not a nickname I gave her, story by making the evil corporation samurai “stealing” her father the people responsible for the terrorist attack. I can also see her father being evil or something lame like that, but I really don’t care. There is no direction or reveal with this storyline that would make this inclusion in the show worthwhile unless it ends in NBC breaking FCC policy and showing Japanese boobies on cable, and even then it probably wouldn’t be worth it.

Red Head Babe: Molly Walker
Molly Walker was like 10 years old during the last season of Heroes; 5 years later and 7 years in this universe she’s transformed into a total babe. Her super power in the show allows her to locate people by thinking about them, but her real super power is looking stunning in a green dress. It’s not all good with this character, she may have been caught in the lamest “con” in the history of television. Let me go over the bad guy’s checklist to capture her step by step.
Step 1: Gamble at a random bar and win a lot of money, hopefully she’ll come to me.
Step 2: Isolate the target back in my room, but don’t make any moves to capture her yet. Instead try to kill her using my powers after she tries to con away my winnings and burn half my face off.
Step 3: Fail to kill her so my accomplice gains her trust helping her escape the scene I just caused.
Step 4: Have my accomplice drug her after getting no new information or confirming her identity.
Step 5: Bring the her back to the same room used in Step 2, but this time she’s tied to a chair.
Step 6: Patch up my face, ouch these burn scares really hurt.
When Molly first enters this guys room alone, it should be game over. Why continue this charade?! This entire ordeal was drawn out and circumstantially cheapened the reveal that this red headed babe was Molly Walker. If the pilot is having this much trouble filling up screen time then the rest of the miniseries seems doomed to waste my time and I won’t continue to watch it.

molly evolving
Mohinder took blame for the terrorist attacks that started off the season, but obviously he didn’t do it. His character arcs always had a kindling of a cool storyline early in the season before eventually ending up a complete mess. Every single season. My hopes aren’t set high for when he reappears in the show. Seeing Masi Oka return as a time traveler badass is inevitable and one of the things that got me excited for this reboot, but he didn’t appear in the pilot and I’m not interested enough to continue with the show. One of the previous problems with the old Heroes was a focus on prophecy and an unavoidable future doomsday, seriously how many prophetic paintings did that guy make before he died?, but so far this show hasn’t gone down that route and it’s one of the few positives. “Save the cheerleader, save the world.” The tagline that made this show so popular just seems so lame now. I wanted to like this show and I came in with low expectations, but it’s not worth watching unless you’re one of the most avid fans of the old show.


13 thoughts on “Heroes Reborn: Should’ve Remained Dead

  1. Hrmm, thank you for the excellent write-up. I also had low expectations for the show, but didn’t actually bother to watch the pilot for the reboot. Glad to know I didn’t waste my time. If there’s one thing that bothers me, it’s the feeling you get when you watch a show and the writer behind the episode tries too hard to convince you that their idea/plot is good, when it obviously isn’t. Convoluted story elements like the capture of Molly Walker are excellent examples of that.

  2. I’ve been watching the pilot and as expected it is thrieving with cliche, poorly written characters, gaping plot holes and an inconsistent storyline. In many ways it seems like this “teen angst” drama is targeted to the young adult faction and as a wink to the old fans they tossed horn-glasses-guy into it (like throwing old Arnold into the latest Terminator installment to trick people into thinking they watch something epic). Nostalgia doesn’t work here becasue this TV show isn’t that old (but Noah Bennet is).
    I’m not dissapointed because it turned out exactly as I expected it to be but that doesn’t comfy me or raise my hope for future projects of that kind. I bet that Lost will be continued next and they hire Damon Lindelof again or another hack fraud.

  3. This is one of the few examples of why revamped TV mini-series shouldn’t be conceived to begin with (24: Live Another Day is a debatable exception). At this point, I just realized that Time Kring just ran out of ideas and did this for who knows what reason. I mean, prime example would be Katana Girl’s power. It’s practically a ripoff of Eugene Sims’ powers from Infamous: Second Son.

    • I can’t really blame Tim Kring for taking the money, but the show just isn’t interesting.
      Sims’ powers from Second Son are actually cool and useful. Katana Girl is just…pointless.

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