Game of Thrones Recap: Home

ned and caitlin used to watch Bran like this
I think this is the shortest name for an episode yet. I can’t spoil too much new information because most of the characters’ storylines have progressed further than their book counterparts. There will be spoilers for this episode though, duh.

The three eyed raven two eyed old man and Bran watch past Winterfell. Young Ned and Benjen are dueling, and Rodrik Cassel started growing his mutton chops early it appears.
Bran – “They were all so happy.”
Our chances of seeing Sean Bean again via flashback are pretty decent.
Bloodraven – “So were you once.”
When Bran could walk and talk with his family.
Lyanna makes her appearance, as well as a young Hodor, but Old Nan doesn’t let Hodor practice fighting because he’s a stable boy. Because stable boys can’t ever become knights? I don’t hear of any stable men, am I right ladies?!
Bloodraven – “Time to go.”
They go back to the future? In their minds, but technically they never left.
Bran – “You finally show me something I care about, and then you drag me away!”
He’s speaking directly for the book readers here.
Bran – “Willis, I saw you as a boy. You could talk, what happened?”
Hodor – “Hodor.”
I’m not sure what Bran was expecting.
Bran – “…where’s Meera?”
Hodor – “Hodor.”
Whatcha talking about Willis?! I didn’t shoehorn that in at all!
bran tried seduction, not very effective

Meera is outside, where there aren’t any evil skeletons, only a breathtaking view. Bran comes outside and I know he can’t sit, but that pose is a little sexual.
Meera – “I sit in there and watch him have his visions and nothing ever happens.”
It would be pretty boring for her. At least she can converse with Hodor…
Nymph – “He needs you. He isn’t going to stay here forever and out there he needs you.”
It looks like the tree root throne won’t be inherited by Bran, he won’t become a tree!

Night gathers, and now their attack begins.
Alliser – “Nobody needs to die tonight.”
He must not have been watching the other episodes, three deaths or it’s a dull affair!
Davos – “I’ve never been much of a fighter.”
Goes to grab sword, drops it.
Use your good hand! And he’s using Longclaw! Cut that thief’s other fingers off!
They start breaking down the door with a hammer and just before they break through…
Wun Wun breaks down the gates with his fists. That’s how you do it Night’s Watch! The wildings return, but I mean, the Night’s Watch couldn’t have been more prepared for a surprise attack. They have their arrows drawn and swords out! This is the same crew that defended the wall two seasons ago?
wun wun and tormund break through
Tormund takes out the only brother that actually attacks them head on. Another brother shoots Wun Wun in the back of the neck, the guy had a clear shot but somehow misses a GIANT’S head, I’m not complaining, but come on! Wun Wun slaps him against the wall and there’s no more fighting.
Alliser – “You fucking traitor.”
Edd never once disobeyed an order!
“Thousands of years the Watch has defended Castle Black against the wildlings.”
Technically Jon let them through earlier this year.
Tormund – “Until you.”
Technically Alliser still defended it, he just failed.
Olly and Alliser are locked up, and I’m not sure if it’s by their brothers or the wildlings, but it looks like the wildlings… Ironically, they know where the cells are because they were in there last time.

The guy that waved his cock in front of Cersei regales his tale to the common drunken folk, and then gets his head smashed by Robert Strong. That’ll show the people to stop bad mouthing Cersei! Robert Strong was 100% pissed on, I don’t think he changes clothes too so…that’s staying with him.
Cersei tries to leave the Red Keep, but King Tommen’s men stop her from attending her own daughter’s funeral. Robert Strong is like, I’m ready to go give me the order, but Cersei retreats.
who gave the order?! Not cersei.png
Tommen – “She grew up.”
Jaime – “Almost.”
Dark comment, but they then cut to her stone eyed face and I can’t take it seriously.
Tommen – “Have we caught Prince Trystane’s killers?”
Or killer. How did he know it’s two people?!
“I expect it was mother.”
He doesn’t think too highly of his mom, and mother’s day is just around the corner!
Jaime – “Why didn’t you let her come?”
Tommen – “He told me…she wouldn’t be allowed in the Sept.”
So he spoke with the High Sparrow? Did he ask about Margaery leaving anytime soon? Did he at least ask about their conjugal visit policy?
Jaime – “They’re not putting your mother in a cell, not while I’m here.”
Because Jaime Lannister never breaks a promise.
Tommen feels guilty about not seeing his mother and doing nothing to help her. At least he admits to being a bigger pussy than Ser Pounce.
jaime and tommen and myrcella, funeral
Jaime – “You’re a bold man.”
High Sparrow – “On the contrary I fear a great deal. The Father, the Mother, the Warrior.”
Not the Crone? That’s like the scariest one.
“Do you know why we use these stones?”
No idea honestly. To pretend they’re alive?
“To remind us not to fear death.”
So they are intended for comedic intent then? What?! This explanation is lost on me.
Jaime admits to the sins of stabbing the Mad King in the back, letting Tyrion go, and killing his cousin. Honestly, no one really knows about the cousin killing thing now that all of Robb’s army and Catelyn are dead. I don’t think too many people knew about him releasing Tyrion either. This is the one guy you don’t confess your sins to.
High Sparrow – “You would spill blood in this holy place?”
Jamie doesn’t kill him. And sparrows step out from the shadows. Were they here the whole time? They won’t spill blood in here! Kill him Jaime!
Jaime – “I fought against worse odds.”
He did beat a bear…sort of.
The High Sparrow just walks out. I would at least throw some glass on the ground, he never wears shoes. Litter everywhere!
7 pointed star
Tommen – “I know I should have come sooner.”
Cersei knows her son is going to die and I think she’s already accepted his fate. That’s why she’s cold towards him. She’s not mad, she’s depressed.
“Help me be strong.”
He wants to be more like Joffrey. What could go wrong?

Tryion – “If I lost my cock I’d be drinking all the time.”
Grey Worm stares at him.
(Oh I have plenty of friends without cocks! Don’t think I’m cock biased!)
“Meaning no offense. He makes dwarf jokes, I make eunuch jokes.”
Varys- “No I don’t.”
He makes rich person jokes though!
Tyrion – “But you think them.”
There’s nothing wrong with thinking about a little dwarf jokes?
Grey Worm – “We are searching for the men that burned the ships but so far nobody saw anything.”
We haven’t seen Bronn lately, did he do this? Bronn of the Blackwater and Meereen?!
Tyrion – “Surely there’s some good news lurking somewhere.”
drink tyrion 32The wine didn’t burn.
“What about the dragons? We have two of them beneath the pyramid.”
One could even say, lurking beneath the pyramid.
Missandei – “The dragons aren’t eating.”
Have they tried Dornish princes?
Tyrion – “Dragons do not do well in captivity.”
They have tripled in size since they were chained up though.
Missandei – “How do you know this?”
Common sense? What does well in captivity?
Tyrion – “That’s what I do, I drink and I know things.”
That’s how book readers used to feel in the earlier seasons.
Tyrion claims that the last dragons were no larger than Cats? Like lions or like house cats? Because I think he’s confusing dragons with salamanders.
Tyrion – “Dragons have affection for their friends and fury for their enemies. I am their friend.”
Tyrion is a random person.

Tyrion goes down alone to greet the dragons and if this weren’t in the middle of the episode or if this were any other character, oh, I don’t know, they’d be roasted alive.
Tyrion – “I’m friends with your mother.”
He knew her for a couple days.
“When I was a child my uncle asked what gift I wanted on my nameday.”
His father didn’t ask him. He wasn’t giving his son a gift.
Tyrion – “I begged him for one of you. It wouldn’t even have to be a big dragon, it could be little…like me.”
Cat sized even.
“My father told me that the last dragon died a century ago…but here you are.”
He unchains both of the dragons. He is the breaker of chains now, not Dany.
They just scurry towards the back of the dungeon… What the hell is back there that’s better than FREEDOM?!
Tyrion didn’t feed them…
arya can't do nothing
Arya is still a blind beggar.
The Waif – “What’s your name?”
Arya jumps up immediately to face her opposition, but still gets her assed kicked. She eventually starts wildly swinging at no one…like literally, not the super assassin.
Jaqen – “If a girl says her name, a man will let her sleep under a roof tonight.”
No homeless shelters in Braavos?
Arya – “A girl has no name.”
Jaqen – “If a girl says her name a man will feed her tonight.”
So that money she’s been begging has gone towards what exactly? Medical bills?
“If a girl says her name a man will give her eyes back.”
Now she knows she can get her eyes back. Arya doesn’t give in.
She passed? She got her ass beat every time though. She follows him…she can follow him despite never hitting the waif once.

Roose – “Half a dozen men dead, your best hunters.”
No word on the hounds, they’re all alive!
Ramsay – “They obviously had help.”
Roose – “I didn’t think Lady Sansa took care of them all by herself.”
It would have been impressive though. This is what I love about Roose.
Ramsay – “We know where’s she’s going, the Night’s Watch. With a small force we could storm the castle, kill Jon Snow.”
Would a small force consist of, say between, 19 and 21 good men?
Roose – “Murder the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch? You’d unite every house in the North against us.”
Yeah, leave murdering the Lord Commander to the Watch’s own men.
Maester – “Lady Walda has given birth. A boy.”
What is with the unprofessionalism of messengers? First Dorne now the North.
Roose – “You’ll always be my first born.”
roose last line, surprisingly positive
I honestly wasn’t sure who was stabbed at first. Roose getting stabbed by his own son seems fitting for him and I could see him having a similar death in the books too. Known as a very cautious and calculating man, but he was always mean to Ramsay and underestimated his mad dog nature.
Ramsay – “Send ravens to all the Northern houses, Roose Bolton is dead, poisoned by our enemies.”
And their enemies are?…is this the second poisoning that Sansa is going to be blamed for? Like the North will buy this.

Fat Walda – “Lord Bolton sent for us, have you seen him?”
He takes her to the kennels and locks the door…only child whistling
“It’s cold out here Ramsay, I need to feed him.”
Well go ahead, you have all you need on you.
He opens all of the dog doors, and aren’t those cages way too big for those dogs? The dogs can’t share cages either? Semi-serious question.
Lord Bolton – “I am lord Bolton.”
Fat Walda – “Ramsay please. He’s your brother.”
These hounds are getting accustomed to human flesh…A feast compared to Myranda surely.
Ramsay – “I prefer being an only child.”
Send Ravens to the North, Fat Walda and her son were also poisoned… and eaten.

Brienne tells Sansa that Arya is alive! Sansa now knows that most of her siblings are alive, but ironically she’s searching for help from the one who’s dead.
Brienne – “What happened at Winterfell?”
A wedding. Shudders.
Sansa – “I should have gone with you when I had the chance.”
Sansa – “Once we’re with Jon, Ramsay won’t be able to touch us.”
She wasn’t even that close with Jon before. She had zero speaking lines with him the entire series. That’s on par with Rickon.
Theon – “Jon will have me killed the moment I step through the gate.”
I mean you’re a third born son, not something evil like a ninth born son.
Sansa – “When you take the black all of your crimes are forgiven.”
Theon – “I don’t want to be forgiven.”
Theon’s going on a rampage!
“I would have taken you all the way to the Wall. I would have died to get you there.”
She hugs him. No one gets stabbed.
Theon – “Can I take one of the horses?”
Sansa – “Woah, we’re not that close, you still betrayed Robb.”
They should have extras after beating those knights. So it should be okay.
Theon – “I’m going home.”
Does he have a death wish?
theon and sansa, probably last time
Balon Greyjoy has returned!
Yara – “They died fighting, to a man.”
It sounds like the Ironborn, but then again, they did surrender that one time to Theon and Ramsay flayed them all.
Balon – “What is dead may never die.”
Yara – “But they did and our invasion dies with them.”
Their invasion was dead to begin with.
“We’re unbeatable in the sea, but we can’t hold castles against main land armies.”
They have ships, but on land they can’t do anything. If only they teamed up with someone in dire need of ships.
Balon – “Not if my captains defy my orders, abandon their posts for foolish rescue missions.”
Oh fuck off, don’t blame that poor excuse of a rescue mission to be the reason the Ironborn lost.
Balon – “The War of the 5 kings they call it, well the other 4 are dead.”
Might as well round up.
He leaves to stroll around the castle during a storm.
Balon – (Let me cross this rickety bridge in the middle of a storm… Oh there’s a suspicious hooded man on the bridge? I’ll just pass him. Fuck it, iron price.)

how was I supposed to make this picture visible, he does have an eyepatch
Euron – “What is dead may never die… Has the custom changed since I’ve been gone? Aren’t you supposed to repeat the words?”
He’s talking directly to the viewers here. It’s been many seasons.
“I don’t mock the drown god, I am the drowned god. From Old Town to Qarth, when men see my sails, they pray.”
He really had some good lines in the book, and they’re using them.
Balon takes his hands off the railing after that impressive comment.
“You’re old brother, you’ve had your time. Now let another rule.”
Like his son Theon?!
Balon – “I heard you lost your mind during a storm.”
Euron – “I did.”
Just give up Balon, this guy is so much cooler than you.
Euron – “I am the storm brother, the first storm, and the last. And you’re in my way.”
Who brings a knife to a push off bridge fight?

I’m impressed they found his body. Seriously. Balon fell into the sea during a storm, at night, and they somehow found him. And then they just throw him back into the sea!
Yara doesn’t get to inherit the throne, Kingsmoot time! Which is basically a barbaric democracy in one night.
Aeron – “Perhaps you’ll be the first woman in history to win the salt throne.”
Yara – “Thanks uncle that means a lot-”
Aeron – “And perhaps not.”
Yara – “…”
That’s as badass as anyone can look wearing a dress in the sea.
got burned in the sea
Davos – “I assume you know why I’m here?”
Alright, it’ time to do what everyone’s been predicting. Revive him!
Melisandre – “I will after you tell me.”
I wonder what she’s seeing in the fires now? Just fire?
Davos – “Have you ever heard the phrase, what is dead may never die?”
Remember Beric? Thoros of Myr? Revive him!
Melisandre – “Everything I believed…the great victory I saw, all of it was a lie.”
Stannis and Jon do look very similar, maybe she just confused the two?
Davos – “Fuck em then.”
Uh, she’s kind of using his power to revive Jon Snow.
“I’m not a devout man, obviously. 7 Gods, drowned gods, tree gods, it’s all the same.”
This is why I love Davos.
Davos – “I’m not asking the Lord of Light for help. I’m asking the woman who showed me that miracles exist.”
Evil miracles.
Melisandre – “I never had this gift.”
Davos – “Have you ever tried?”
She hasn’t? Through all of her years, not once?
his dead abs still look great
After giving Jon a bath I’m surprised Melisandre didn’t disrobe and start “lighting his fire” with her body. Maybe surprised isn’t the right word, disappointed. No, only haircut magic and whispering weird word magic eventually brings Jon back, no boobs unfortunately.
One by one they leave. First Tormund, who climbed the Wall with Jon, who bonded and fought with him through a couple battles.
Then Melisandre leaves, the woman that let him touch her boobs that one time, but he refused her advances.
Then Edd leaves, Jon’s 2nd longest friend at the Night’s Watch besides Sam and his comrade who survived multiple battles with Jon.
Then Davos leaves, the man that knew Jon for a little when he stayed with Stannis…It feels like Davos cares the most, which makes no sense.
For a second I thought Ghost was going to die in exchange for Jon’s life. Thank the Lord of Light that didn’t happen. Jon lives! I’m not sure if he’ll have any drawbacks, I’m leaning no though. I don’t remember Beric having any problems in the show, so I’m not expecting any memory loss or any ill effects.

he looks surprised to be alive


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