Game of Thrones: Book of the Stranger

another redhead? really?The 4th episode of the season is named after one of the Seven. The Stranger represents death and we can infer that the show runners are calling this episode the Book of Death. Honestly I thought it should have been named “Sister Power” after all the motivational talks they did for their brothers. I can’t spoil too much new information because most of the characters’ storylines have progressed further than their book counterparts. There will be spoilers for this episode though, duh.

Jon plans on heading south to, presumably, retire. He’s seen enough of the North for one life time. Jon Beach Resort has a better ring to it than Jon Snow.
Edd – “I was with you at Hardhome, we saw what’s out there. How can you leave us now?”
Winter is coming, better head south to warmer shores.
Jon – “I did everything I could and they killed me.”
And now he’s given a second chance!
“You want me to stay here after they killed me?”
I mean…he did kill those guys right? So what’s the problem? Too many bad memories?
Before he can leave, Sansa arrives at the Wall and Jon has yet another touching hug. Edd must be thinking, really? Another redhead? Deep down, I bet a small part of Jon wishes she was Arya.

third hug this yearJon – “We never should have left Winterfell.”
I would have read that happier book too.
Sansa – “I wish I could scream at myself, don’t go you idiot.”
I scream at the screen when Ned doesn’t tell Jon about his mother. But they’ll never meet again!
“I spent a lot of time thinking about what an ass I was to you.”
In the show, they never spoke. Literally. In the books, she was a bit of an ass to him. Not as much as Catelyn Tully, but not too kind either.
Jon – “You think that after thousands of years the Watch would have learned how to make a good ale.”
You’d think thousands of years with no women or real threat would have given them enough free time to brew a good alcohol. No brewers were sent to the Wall? A solid winter ale at least? Another reason Jon wants to go south, better beer. And less redheads.
Jon – “If I don’t watch over you, father’s ghost will come back and murder me.”
By beheading? It would be the honorable thing to do.
Sansa suggests they retake Winterfell.
With all the redheads in Jon Snow’s life it’s a wonder it wasn’t a redhead that led to his first death, but I suppose now he’s been given a second chance. Life finds a way.
Sansa – “How many wildlings did you save?”
He did manage to kill quite a few too.
Jon – “I’m tired of fighting. It’s all I’ve done since I left home. I’ve fought, and I’ve lost.”
His kill/death ratio is an XBox middle schooler’s wet dream though.
Sansa – “If we don’t take back the North we’ll never be safe.”
So…is he ever going to tell her that he was dead?

Davos – “Will you stay here at Castle Black?”
He’s gauging her to see what he should do.
Melisandre – “I will do as Jon Snow commands.”
Already a given by her hair color.
Davos – “What happened down there?”
Melisandre – “Stannis lost.”
Really helpful.
Davos – “And Shireen. What happened to the princess?”
She was poisoned by her enemies…
Brienne – “I saw what happened.”
Mel nearly shits her pants. Brienne proceeds to not answer his question and basically brag about killing Stannis. Really helpful.

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Robert Arryn continues to disappoint Royce, but when did Littlefinger and this brat have such a good relationship? Basically Royce calls Littlefinger out for his bogus marriage between Sansa and the Boltons, but then Littlefinger just blames Royce and somehow he’s in the position of power…
Robert Arryn – “Should we throw him through the Moondoor?”
Is this his answer for everything?! I’m glad his mom died this way. Seriously though, Royce couldn’t form a better relationship with this little shit after all this time? One falcon throws everything out the Moondoor with this relationship?
Littlefinger – “If we can trust his absolute loyalty, he’d make a capable commander in the wars to come.”
Stop saying this line!
Littlefinger – “Want to save Sansa?”
I’m sure he wants to do more than just save her…creep.
Robert Arryn – “She’s my cousin, we should help her.”
He’s easier to manipulate than Tommen…I thought this kid didn’t like Sansa?
Littlefinger – “Gather the Knights of the Vale, the time has come to join the fray.”
He’s joining House Frey?! I don’t think Cat would like that.

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Tyrion – “A clever man once told me, we make peace with our enemies, not our friends.”
I feel like I heard his father say this, but he could just be quoting himself, again.
Tyrion – “Trust me, my own recent experience with slavery has taught me the horrors of that institution.”
Before his experience he had an open mind.
Missandei – “And how many days were you a slave?”
Like half an episode.
Tyrion – “…long enough to know.”
Yeah, he had to do all that horrible slave stuff like…get bid on.
Missandei – “Not long enough to understand.”
Great “unintentional ass shot of Missandei.

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Slave Owner – “I bought this dwarf for a single gold honor, somehow you’ve risen to the top of the great pyramid of Meereen.”
Somehow the guy buying dwarfs from pirates in the middle of fucking nowhere, is high up enough for this meeting. How about who are you buddy?!
Tyrion – “Let’s make this simple, what do you want?”
Harder question, what do you want Tyrion? Why is he helping Daenerys again?
Noble – “Leave.”
He’s speaking for all of us. Take Daenerys with you!
Tyrion – “Queen Daenerys won’t stay here forever.”
It only feels that way.
Noble – “You think you’re a free man now? You still follow orders.”
Yeah, following orders means he’s a slave. The military = slaves.
Tyrion – “There haven’t been slaves in Westeros for hundreds of years yet I still grew up richer than any of you.”
Honestly, I’m not entirely sure if this is true. These guys are rich.
“Instead of abolishing slavery overnight, we will give you 7 years to abolish the practice.”
Where did he get 7 years from? A wise man?
“Slave owners will be compensated for their losses, at fair prices.”
A gold honor per slave? That first noble set the bar.
Tyrion – “In exchange, you will cut off your support to the Sons of the Harpy.”
Nobles – “We do not support the Sons of the Harpy.”
For some reason I still believe Daario is the head of the Harpy and not these three.
Tyrion – “Fine, fine, but you will do it all the same.”
He negotiated “leave” to abolish slavery and stop terrorism. Not bad. Tyrion seems to have that whore bell wherever he goes, whores aren’t the best gifts in every situation buddy, but Tyrion sure thinks they are.

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Tyrion – “I am not your ruler. Your Queen will return soon, you have my word.”
He bases this on nothing.
Missandei – “Seven years is not a short time for a slave.”
I mean it’s still better than till death.
Tyrion – “Slavery is a horror that should be ended at once. War is a horror that should be ended at once. I can’t do both today.”
How about 2 days then?
Greyworm – “You will not use them, they will use you.”
I think he’s still shook up about being called a slave earlier.

Jorah and Daario got rid of their horses to climb this hill because…it would make them stick out in this HORSE village?! Where are the horses?!
Daario – “I don’t think you can ride the dragon, maybe 20 years ago…”
This sort of comes out of nowhere…him referring to sleeping with Dany as “riding the dragon” makes me hate him.
Jorah – “It’s forbidden to enter the city with weapons.”
Is there a Dothraki TSA checkpoint? Sneak them in.
Daario – “Uh, we’re trying to take back their Khaleesi.”
Without weapons they can pass off as merchants. With weapons they can’t. Sure.
Daario is hesitant to throw away his sexy woman knife, and he totally doesn’t.

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Sex in the streets, Daario wishes he was born a Dothraki. I don’t blame him.
I’m a little surprised merchants would even come to this city though, don’t these guys just take what they want? I guess without weapons this is the one place you can actually trade with Dothraki safely, but what can they even offer? Horses?
These Dothroki aren’t fooled by their blatant merchant ruse has virtually no effort is put into their disguise besides disarming themselves. Daario manages to kill the first scrub, but the old dust in the eye trick doesn’t work for Jorah and he needs to get bailed out by Daario. Although I don’t think the knife was necessary, he could have snapped this guy’s head easily, I’m still glad he brought it. Daario bashes in this guys head with a rock to hide the stab wound, but I thought the whole point of the no weapons thing was to prevent blood being spilled in their sacred city.

This hut for the widows doesn’t have a bathroom, do the Dothraki not believe in bathrooms? Every house here, no bathroom…I’m having second thoughts about visiting this city.
Even in this universe girls have to go to the bathroom together.
Daenerys – “We’ll never make it out of here alive.”
The bathroom? They totally could have though if they brought their horses.

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Margaery talks with the High Sparrow.
High Sparrow – “If I were to let you leave right now, where would you go?”
Attack him! He doesn’t even have shoes!
Margaery – “To my family.”
High Sparrow – “Seeking out your family means seeking out sin.”
…Orphans, the only ones without sin.
The High Sparrow used to be a cobbler. A very good cobbler. He used his skill making shoes to make money, but then one day after a terrible hangover he decided to become a religious fanatic and never wear shoes again. How bad was that hangover?! I’m not entirely convinced of this backstory, but the books never went into it.
Margaery is able to visit her brother, and he’s a shell of his former self,but it’s not like he was a strong character before this.
Loras – “I don’t care if they win, just make it stop.”
Are they torturing him? Or does he just really miss his bed?

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Tommen – “He has Margaery, we can’t risk putting her in danger.”
And that’s why he didn’t help his mommy either.
Cersei – “Of course her safety is paramount.”
And that’s why she suggests to take the risk and putting her life in danger.
Tommen – “You don’t like Margaery, do you?”
Only now is Tommen coming to this conclusion…only now.
Cersei – “Whether I like her or not is unimportant. The queen deserves respect.”
She believes that if Margaery gets respect, she will too.

Queen of Thorns – “My dear, you have been stripped of your authority, shamed publicly, and confined to the Red Keep. What’s left to work with?”
In Cersei’s defense she’s still standing stronger than her grandson.
Jaime – “Cersei is the mother to the king, she has his ear and his trust.”
It’s funny because Tommen doesn’t listen to her.
Cersei wants to prevent Margaery’s walk of atonement, but it was one of the few things I was looking forward to with this plot line. The Tyrells and the Lannisters will team up to prevent this walk and finally destroy the High Sparrow and his army of robed psychopaths.

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Theon returns home, maybe he’ll feel up his sister again?
Yara – “Theon Greyjoy, he’s been dead a long time.”
Who’s Theon? This is his twin brother, Richard. He prefers Dick. Good friends with Loras Tyrell I hear.
“Good men died trying to rescue you.”
Woah, let’s not get carried away here. Shirtless Ramsay beat them.
“My men.”
A fairer description.
“You were a spoiled little cunt and I risked everything for you.”
Stop reminding me of that scene!
Yara – “You heard father was dead and thought you’d claim the crown?”
It’ll make Euron’s entrance more understandable I suppose.
Theon – “I don’t want to be king.”
He’s reverse Simba.
Yara – “That doesn’t matter anymore. Stop crying.”
What are things I say to myself after dropping my dinner on the floor.
Theon – “You should rule the Iron Islands, let me help you.”
Who’s going to listen to Theon? It’s not like anyone respected him here before.

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For a guy with a flayed man on his sigil he sure doesn’t seem to know how to peel an apple.
Osha – “Do you eat the men after you flay them?”
But the skins the best part!
Ramsay – “…No.”
Yeah, that’s disgusting. His dogs do that.
Osha tries to sex her way out of this pickle, but the same trick doesn’t work twice and she gets stabbed in the neck.
Poor Osha, she comes back after 3 years, dead after her first speaking scene. Not sure why Ramsay did this when he always knew he was going to kill her, I guess it makes for a cool scene. It shows he really likes apples.

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Sansa doesn’t seem to be enjoying her food. I guess Ramsay fed her better. He feeds his bitches well.
Tormund continues to check out Brienne, hard, she should have been born a wildling.
Edd – “Sorry about the food, it’s not what we’re known for.”
What are they known for though? Ninth born sons?
Messenger – “A letter for the lord commander.”
People don’t use ravens anymore?
Jon – “To the traitor and bastard Jon Snow. You have betrayed your own kind, you have betrayed the North. Winterfell is mine bastard, come and see.”
Are we sure Ramsay wrote this?
Jon – “Your brother Rickon is in my dungeon.”
Who?
“I want my bride back.”
Seems like a reasonable request.
“You will watch as my soldiers take turns raping your sister.”
That escalated quickly. Yup, Ramsay definitely wrote this.
Sansa – “He has Rickon.”
Never heard of him.
Jon – “We don’t know that.”
True, it sounds like a lie, but in actuality isn’t.
Sansa – “No it’s not.”
True, no one would willingly mention Rickon on purpose.
Tormund – “How many men does he have in his army?”
Sansa – “I heard him say 5,000 once.”
Only 20 of them good though.
Meanwhile they have 2,000 wildlings.
Sansa – “A monster has taken our home and our brother. We have to go back and save them both.”
Jon replies back to the letter with two words, Winters Coming…he didn’t, but how awesome would that have been?

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The Khal’s don’t care about the guy who’s head got smashed in. Their plan totally worked.
After some more dick jokes, the Khal with a name suggests that Daenerys joins the widows of Dosh Khaleen. There’s a bounty on her head worth ten thousand horses…do the Dothraki even have their own currency? Serious question.
Daenerys – “Don’t you want to know what I think?”
She has a bigger mouth than Tyrion.
Daenerys – “I know where I am. I have been here before.”
Didn’t she kill her brother here? Good times.
Khal – “You trusted a sorceress like a fool. Because of you your baby is dead, and so is Khal Drogo.”
I mean…he’s right.
Daenerys – “Khal Drogo promised to sail to Westeros for me.”
Season 1, good times.
Daenerys – “What great matters do the great Khals discuss? Which little villages to raid?”
Mostly just dick jokes.
Daenerys – “You are small men, and none are you are fit to lead. So I will.”
She touches the fire lamps and knocks them over, the hut surprisingly catches fire quickly. Take notes for next time big bad wolf, huffing and puffing isn’t the way. On a slightly more serious note, was this place doused in gasoline? Because this place is starting to look like a really bad fire hazard. Jorah and Daario locked the doors outside, so no one can escape. Not one of the Dothraki try to attack her and the fire can’t hurt her at all.

I’ve never been more attracted to Daenerys than when she walks out of the burning hut. Her glorious breasts shine out brighter than the blazing fire behind her, everyone bows down to her glorious breasts. The night is dark and full of terrors, but tonight it ain’t. Jorah and Daario cut to the front of the line and bow down to her too, we know already guys, you love her.

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