Game of Thrones Recap: The Door

littlefinger and 2 ladys

This episode is titled The Door…and we know exactly why. I can’t spoil too much new information because most of the characters’ storylines have progressed further than their book counterparts. There will be spoilers for this episode though, duh.

Littlefinger has already arrived at Molestown. I’m honestly not sure if this is an abandoned town after the wildlings raided the place 2 seasons ago.
Littlefinger – “Sansa!”
(All my planning has been for this moment, I love you Sansa!)
Littlefinger – “Lady Brienne…”
All his planning yet he didn’t expect Sansa to be mad at him.
Littlefinger – “When I heard you escaped Winterfell I feared the worst…I am so happy to see you unharmed.”
He feared the worst when Sansa escaped Winterfell? Why, was it because she wouldn’t have her husband to protect her?
Sansa – “Did you know about Ramsay? If you didn’t you’re an idiot, if you did, you’re an enemy.”
Why can’t he be both?
Littlefinger – “I made a mistake.”
Before Sansa arrived here, Davos recommended a justifiable punishment for Littlefinger that would make his nickname quite  ironic.
Sansa – “I don’t believe you anymore, I don’t need you anymore. Why shouldn’t I tell Brienne to cut you down now?”
Well look at that, I can’t think of any reason either. Fetch that block girl.
Littlefinger – “If you want me to beg for my life, I will do it.”
But he doesn’t do it. Not even a little.
Sansa – “You freed me from the monsters that murdered my family and gave me to different monsters that murdered my family.”
The Lannisters killed her dad. The Bolton’s killed her mother, brother, and sister in law.
%22half brother%22Littlefinger – “A time will come when you may need an army loyal to you.”
Like the Knights of the Vale? Killing him would probably gain their loyalty, does anyone actually like him?
Sansa – “I have an army.”
Meh, they have some wildlings.
Littlefinger – “Your brother’s army?”
Stop letting him influence you!
“Half brother.”
Stop it! You can still kill him! Maim at the very least.

Arya is somehow less adept fighting the waif with her eyes back. Even without the stick the waif kicks Arya’s ass.
Jaqen – “None of the first faceless men were born to lords or ladies.”
But they were born with faces, right?
Arya – “Who was the first?”
Jaqen – “He was no one.”
She set herself up so hard for that. I mean come on, obviously!

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Arya is assigned to kill an actress and the play she’s in just happens to be Season 1 of Game of Thrones. Good, I could use a refresher. Ned Stark isn’t exactly portrayed in a positive light, but besides the humor and fart jokes, the play is basically exactly what happened.
After the play we see our first frontal penis for a whole 2 seconds, but everything’s okay because there’s a full 5 seconds of boobs shortly after.
Arya isn’t the most discrete sleuth, she’s just standing out in the open backstage.
Jaqen – “Does death only come for the wicked and leave the decent behind?”
It appears to be the exact opposite in this show.
Arya – “Who wants her dead?”
George RR Martin.
Jaqen – “That does not matter, the price was paid.”
What do we say to the God of Death? Not today. Pay me.

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Bran and the 3 Eyed Raven visit a weirwood tree with the Children of the Forest gathering around a man tied to it. They stab him through the heart with dragon glass and he turns into a White Walker. Being tied to a weirwood tree may or may not also come into play. Logically  it makes no sense how killing someone with dragon glass can make an ice demon.
Bran – “You made the White Walkers?”
It was Leaf too. How long do these children live?!
Leaf – “We were at war, we needed to defend ourselves.”
Somehow creating supreme evil ice demons was a better option than peace negotiations.
Bran – “From who?”
Leaf – “From you. From men.”
The war between men and the Children of the Forest is long over and together they teamed up to defeat the White Walkers all those centuries ago. So why is this happening again?

all the ironborn...all of them

Aeron – “We stand in the presence of the drowned god. Who makes a claim?”
They’re in the presence of the drown god? Does he mean the ocean or is the drown god like the Holy Spirit and is everywhere?
Yara makes the first claim. In the books the kingsmoot has quite a few people make a claim before Yara, and these lesser captains offer gifts to help support their claim. Which makes sense because all Ironborn are idiots and think they should be king.
Ironborn – “We never had a queen, not once.”
Most of these guys haven’t read a book, not once.
Yara – “The great kings of Westeros conquer and humiliate us.”
In the book she has a much simpler plan, peace. Here she wants to build a large fleet and then…gain respect? It’s unclear.
Ironborn – “A woman will not lead us, not when a son of Balon’s own heir has returned.”
Theon didn’t even really grow up on the islands. Why would anyone support him? This makes even less sense when people cheer for Euron after he admits to killing Balon later.
Theon – “She is a reaver, she is a warrior, she is Ironborn. We will find no better leader, chubby theonthis is our queen.”
This speech reeks of corniness.
Euron Greyjoy – “I’m Euron Greyjoy, I claim the salt throne.”
All those cheers? Silenced…
Euron – “Heard you managed to fuck things right into the ground, even heard you have no cock.”
Poor Theon must be thinking – (but Yara promised no one would make fun of me for that!)
“It explains why you think a woman can become king.”
So many dick jokes, what is he part Dothroki?
Yara – “I’m glad you’re here, now I know what my first act as queen should be, to execute the man who killed my father.”
Her second act as queen? She hasn’t thought that far.
Euron – “I killed him. He was leading us nowhere and we would still be heading there if it weren’t for me.”
More like sailing us nowhere. He just straight up admits to killing the king and his brother and everyone’s like, yeah, I always hated that guy. This is why I hate the Ironborn.
“He led us into two wars we couldn’t win. I apologize for not killing him years ago.”
He’s talking directly to book readers here.
Theon – “Last I heard you were gallivanting around the world having a grand old time.”
Theon also wasn’t here, but in the exact opposite situation.
Euron – “Gallivanting, that’s the sort of thing you start saying when your dick gets chopped off?”
He only has one insult, but the Ironborn are eating it up.
Yara – “I will build the largest fleet the world has even seen.”
And with that fleet no Westeros king would be able to humiliate them anymore!
Euron -“I think I’ll take it. I am going to build that fleet, and gallivant right over and give it to her. ”
He paid the iron price for her plan.
“I wasn’t born to be king, I paid the iron price, and here I stand.
He’s even stealing the Mormont words!
They start cheering for him, but I’m pretty sure if someone interrupted him they’d start rooting for the new guy, I cannot stress how dumb the Ironborn are. For the honor of being elected as the potential king, they drown that person and just hope he resuscitates himself…this can’t have a high success rate.

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Theon and Yara flee the Iron Islands with enough men supporting them to steal the main force if not all of the Iron Fleet. Obviously Euron wasn’t going to drown, as they say, what is dead may never die.
Euron gets the twig crown. Fitting for Ironborn crown.
Euron – “Where are my niece and nephew? Let’s go murder them!”
Was everyone at this drowning ceremony? It was that easy to steal all of the ships?!
Euron – “Chop down every tree you can find. Build me a 1000 ships and I will give you this world.”
Judging from that crown and the fact that they are on the Iron Islands, I doubt they’ll have too many trees to work with. The amount of time it would take to make 1000 high quality ships would be decades, Euron would be dead by then. Even if all the Ents that helped Merry and Pippen in Lord of the Rings just happened to vacation to this universe and to these shitty islands, there still wouldn’t be enough wood to build 1000 ships. On top of that, even if someone gifted them 990 ships, they still wouldn’t be able to finish off 1000 ships in the time frame that the show runners expect us to believe.

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Daenerys – “I banished you, twice. You came back, twice.”
Send him away a third time! The dragon has as many heads as her banishes of Jorah.
“And you saved my life. So I can’t take you back and I can’t send you away.”
Why can’t she just take him back again? Clearly he’d never betray her.
He finally shows her his greyscale.
Daenerys – “Is there a cure?”
Having sex with a Targaryen… She still wouldn’t do it.
Jorah – “All I ever wanted was to serve you.”
According to the masters, this means he’s a slave.
“Tyrion Lannister was right, I love you.”
Tyrion would love to hear that.
He leaves to die off somewhere, but she commands him to find a cure and then return to her. Can they just kill him? I command the show to stop with these corny lines.

Varys – “There have been zero killings from the Sons of the Harpy. It seems like the pact was a success.”
Or maybe their leader Daario is still away
Tyrion – “It’s not enough. They need to know Daenerys is responsible for it.”
Somehow giving power to fanatic red priestesses was a better option than doing nothing.

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Tyrion – “The truth is we need your help.”
Because the last time a Lannister gave power to a religious fanatic went so well.
Kinvara – “I came to help. Daenerys Stormborn is the one who was promised.”
And it only took 6 seasons for them to come to this conclusion.
“Her dragons are fire made flesh, a gift from the Lord of Light.”
Actually they were a gift from a fat man named Illyrio, but okay.
“You want your queen to be worshiped and obeyed? And while she’s gone you want her advisors to be worshipped and obeyed?”
Fire and blood magic, Daenery’s new house words.
Tyrion – “I’d settle for obeyed.”
I’ll settle for just one nude scene. Please.
Varys – “A man named Stannis Baratheon was anointed by one of your priestesses…I suppose it’s hard for a fanatic to admit a mistake.”
It’s not like we saw Stannis’ body, there’s still hope! What is dead may never die!
Kinvara – “Terrible things happen for a reason.”
The lord of light works in mysterious ways…mostly ways that involve fire and burning.
“We serve the same queen, you have nothing to fear from me.”
People that say they shouldn’t be afraid of them, are the ones I’d be afraid of.

bran and the night king, round 1.png

Bran is bored so he decides to dream by himself. He stumbles upon a nightmarish vision, an army of wights gathered during a blizzard, but the worst part? Bran’s in his underwear! The Night King sees Bran and grabs his arm.
Bran – “He saw me, the Night King, he saw me!”
3 Eyed Raven – “He touched you.”
Where did he touch you Bran? Show us on the stick doll.
Bran – “I don’t know he was close but…”
Come on Bran.
3 Eyed Raven – “He knows you’re here and he’ll come for you.”
The Night King put his mark on Bran and can now enter the cave, I want to blame Bran for this dire situation, but it’s not like the 3 Eyed Raven has taught him anything.
3 Eyed Raven – “The time has come for you to become me.”
Old? Will Bran grow a third eye?

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Jon – “We can’t defend the North from the Walkers and the south from the Boltons.”
Use the Boltons to help defend the North?
“The Umbers, the Karstarks, and the Manderlys are the other most powerful houses in the North. Umbers and Karstarks have already declared for Boltons.”
Maybe send someone to recruit the Manderlys. I heard they like onions.
Sansa – “How well do you know the North ser Davos?”
This is the same girl that didn’t know about the Boltons before her marriage.
Davos – “Precious little my lady.”
He can count how much he knows about the North on his 3/4 hand.
Sansa – “My father always said that Northerners were different. More loyal. Suspicious of outsiders.”
But it’s not like the Boltons are outsiders.
Davos – “I may not know the North, but I know men. Even the bravest don’t want to see their family skinned for a lost caused.”
A strong cause on the other hand, no problem. Skin my family.
Sansa – “The north remembers. They remember the Stark name, they’ll still risk everything for it.”
The Umbers seemingly gave up Rickon just on the threat of a wildling attack.
Sansa – “Jon is every bit Ned Starks son as Ramsay is Roose Bolton’s.”
I don’t think it’s great to be compared to that guy.
Sansa foolishly mentions that the Tulley army will help them…

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Sansa wants to send Brienne to the Riverlands to parlay with the Blackfish.
Brienne – “We can send the Blackfish a raven.”
Does no one use ravens anymore?!
Sansa – “We can’t risk Ramsay intercepting it, it has to be you.”
So she’s going to send her bodyguard and most loyal supporter away from her because Ramsay might intercept it and…what could he do with the information? Flay it?
Sansa – “Jon is Jon. He’s my brother and he’ll keep me safe.”
I don’t think he’s told her about his recent death.
Brienne – “Then why did you lie to him?”
He still is a bastard, can’t trust those folk.
Sansa – “…”

Jon – “Don’t knock it down when I’m gone.”
I am now positive this season will end with the Wall being knocked down.
Ninth Born Son – “Should we close the gate Lord Commander?”
Well obviously.
Edd – “I’m not the Lord Commander… Yeah, close the bloody gate.”
Dolorous Edd, the 999th Lord Commander.

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Meera – “We can go home now Hodor. Maybe not home, but someplace that isn’t a cave.”
This is coming from the girl that lives in a swamp.
6 seasons later, the White Walkers still haven’t made it to the wall. 3 cut scenes in an episode though, he’s able to get to their hideout.
Meera – “Bran, wake up!”
I mean, he’s a cripple. What could he have realistically done awake?
The 3 Eyed Raven brought Bran to Ned leaving for the Vale instead of going back to the Tower of Joy.
The Children of the Forest throw…fire grenades? Over the White Walkers heads and at the wights to defend the cave…they don’t seem to have their priorities in order.
They light fire to twigs blocking the entrance and retreat back inside, but the White Walkers simply extinguish the fire and walk through it. The wights can’t get through and must go over the top. This tree seems to be the tree that the White Walker was made at…but then what was that tree in Bran’s dream then? The same tree but in the dream world?
Hodor is too terrified to help out.
Meera, the Children of the Forest, and Summer fight off the wights before Bran warges into Hodor. Could time travel be possible in this universe? I hope not.
Meera takes out a White Walker with a spear to the neck. Now Meera, Sam, and Jon are the only people to kill a White Walker.

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Summer stays behind to “defend” them, instead of, I don’t know, pull Bran’s sled, but he gets disposed of pretty easily. 2 direwolves dead and both go out like puppies instead of DIREWOLVES. He couldn’t take down one?
The 3 Eyed Raven is murdered by the Night King. Honestly, what was this old man’s plan? I hope Bran informs us later somehow.
Leaf stays back to stop the horde of wights chasing them, but instead of being useful in her suicide grenade explosion, the wights keep coming shortly after stabbing/eating? her. I’m glad she gets stabbed a few dozen times before going down. Are the Children of the Forest now extinct? Why is Bran so important again? What can he do that the 3 Eyed Raven can’t? Change the past?
Why there’s a door in a tree/cave I’ll never know. Hodor manages to open the door just in time, but the wights pile against the door to try and pursue them.
Meera – “Hold the door!”
Close the door! Prop something against the door, help him out!
Young Hodor can see Bran? His eyes go to the back of the head and I think part of his mind is in future Hodor’s body right now.
Wyliss – “Hold the door! Hold the door!”
This is pretty unsettling. Hodor dies to give Meera and Bran a 5 minute head start. Maybe Bran should go back in time and stop himself from climbing that one day.
Wyliss – “Hold the door!…Hodor.”
This death probably hit me the hardest. This seems to have been planned for a long time though, but I always hoped at least Hodor would have a happy ending. He spent his whole life in service to the Starks knowing exactly how he was going to die. A true hero. A truly tragic character. And probably a wight now…

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