Bottom of the MLB: 2016

30: Milwaukee Brewers– They’re a rebuilding team in a tough division, outside of their “Watch the Game with Your Dog and Eat a Free Dog” promotion and their mascot Hank,  they don’t have much to look forward to in the immediate future. They have two established stars in Ryan Braun and Jonathan Lucroy, one with a tarnished reputation and one already packing his bags, and basically no one else. This team looks like the discarded extras of the Astros, when they were bottom of the league. It worked out for Detroit, but for every JD Martinez there’s Nameless Player A we don’t hear of ever again. The pitching staff is lead by Matt Garza, not a good thing to say about a rotation in 2016. Wily Peralta clocks in as one of the hardest throwing hurlers in baseball, but he’s still pretty terrible. It’s not all bad, Scooter Gennet is still one of the coolest names in baseball and their logo is still the best as well; but Miller is a bad beer and so is this team.

ryan braun

The lovable Hank juxtaposed with the hatable Braun. Cuteness > Brains> Braun

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Baseless Bold Fantasy Baseball Predictions

matt harvey...may have used this photo already

Do you know how much easier it is to make fantasy predictions with almost no research to back it up? ESPN posted 53 bold predictions with almost zero facts explaining them, and it included the bogus Troy Tulowitzki will remain healthy for a majority of the year fact! It’s total BS and it’s beautiful, unlike the new ESPN format, but maybe I just hate change. I’m going to make a bunch of fantasy baseball predictions with very little facts to back me up and a ton of bias! Some of them might even be underlined instead of bolded!

Matt Harvey is a bust
He’s on an innings limit and if the Met’s aren’t in the playoff hunt I can see him getting shut down earlier than expected. He’s coming back from Tommy John surgery and I know he’s looked excellent in spring training, but spring training doesn’t mean too much. He has to carry the weight of all of New York’s expectations now that the Yankees stink, that’s too much pressure! He’s getting drafted in the 3rd/4th round now, so people are expecting ace numbers, but he hasn’t pitched a real game in more than a year. Also the Mets can’t have nice things.
Joey Votto finishes as a top 5 1B
He was a top 1B before and I like the Reds’ offense this year with Billy Hamilton likely improving, Todd Frazier and Marlon Byrd providing reliable power, and Jay Bruce and Brandon Phillips can’t possible play as bad as they did last year. He’ll provide Freddie Freeman like numbers but for a 3 round discount. Bring on those sweet walks baby!
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Best of the MLB 2015

9. Toronto Blue Jays

I’m sorry. I want to rate them as the best team in the AL, but they’re the Blue Jays. As sure as Canadian maple syrup will be deliciously sticky this team will disappoint. Last year the Red Sox and Rays were neutered, the Yankee pitchers were dropping like flies, the Orioles lost “star” players Wieters and Machado, and this Jays team still blew it. I’ll give them one more chance though. Edwin Encarnacion is capable of hitting 16 HRs in a month and he’s reliably productive even through injuries. I could almost say the exact same thing about Bautista except his defense is better, he never earned a lovable error based nickname. Dickey isn’t the Cy Young guy he was in Queens, but him and Buehrle are reliable innings eaters. Shorty Marcus Stroman impressed last year, apparently Doc Halladay taught him a sinker and he was unhittable after that. Drew Hutcherson looks like a promising young flamethrower in the icy city of Toronto. This offense is nasty, they were in the top 5 in most offensive categories last year and now they added Josh Donaldson and Russell Martin, if everyone stays relatively healthy, they should be the best offense in the league. How did the Blue Jays not win the Donaldson trade again? “So you’re telling me you guys only want Brett Lawrie and a handful of our midlevel prospects?” Moneyball failed here. Jose Reyes is still toiling around as one of the best SS in the league, offensively at least, but 2B and the OF outside of Bautista are weaknesses. Good thing they signed oft injured Michael Saunders… Yeah this team is good, please don’t blow this Canada.

Screen shot 2015-02-16 at 12.19.54 PMInstead of doing the more traditional rain dance, Bautista does the HR dance to help teammates.
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Scrubs of the MLB: Part 2

21. Arizona Diamondbacks

I mean it’s not like they can get a third .500 season in a row right?! This teams pitching is raw…but I’m sure another rookie pitcher will be amazing for this team again, see Kennedy, Miley, Corbin. So Archie Bradley, come on up. The Diamondbacks struck gold (diamonds?) when they signed Goldschmidt to a 5 year $32 million extension. They make a brilliant move like this, but then make a bunch of perplexing ones. They gave up on Ian Kennedy and traded him for journeyman RP Dale Thatcher and change. They got so little for Kennedy that DALE THAYER is the biggest name they got back from the Padres. Kennedy came 4th in the Cy Young voting 2 years ago, so did his elbow secretly implode? I know he wasn’t having the best year, but they literally just gave up on him. Did he sleep with GM Kevin Tower’s wife? Not to be outdone, earlier in the year Kevin Towers opted to trade players Justin Upton and Trevor Bauer at their seemingly lowest value. Upton is 26 and although I’m not sold on Upton, surely he could convince others that he’ll be a star?! I think the Braves got a bargain on Upton. And Bauer was the top SP prospect for this team and in the entire MLB just a year ago. Did they sleep with Kevin’s wife too? They must have done this before Ian Kennedy, why didn’t you learn Ian! Maybe I’m missing something here,  maybe it’s maybelline…it’s not maybelline.

arizona-diamondbacks

So the Diamondbacks mascot is a bobcat, not a snake…even the bobcat’s confused


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